Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 6 months ago

If you don't want to be a bridesmaid (ever), how can you tell friends or relatives that you can't do it without coming off as rude?

I'm all happy for people getting married and such, but the whole bridesmaid thing isn't my scene. Not to mention that I can barely relate to other women, and I'd most likely unintentionally kill the joy for everyone around me who gets right into this feminine stuff.

I also don't have much money to begin with. I'm not really the most responsible person when it comes to money and spend most of it on a whim - such as travel expenses or even just spending money on my hobbies (which I do an awful lot). I downsize on everything responsible people normally buy and have a bank account with next to nothing in it.

However, I don't want to just say "I'm sorry. I don't want to be your bridesmaid because I'm a d!ck who spends all my money on myself. I'd most likely sleep in for dress fittings and I'd be the weirdo in the corner not talking to the other women." The hard thing is, you can't just say that to people... even though that sentence is basically a parody of my life in general.

While I do love these people and I'm very happy some people are all into that falling in love stuff, I just wouldn't fit into that scene at all, nor would I have the money or the energy to put into the responsibilities. I would still love to be a guest and help out when I can, considering the wedding is for a friend I have had for about 5 years.

Update:

What's with all the assumptions? Obviously I was asked otherwise I wouldn't be asking. Geeze, I was right all along about women being catty.

18 Answers

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  • Lita
    Lv 6
    6 months ago

    You wait and see if you are asked to be a bridesmaid. If you are asked you share what you shared here. If you aren't asked you have nothing to worry about in regards to being a bridesmaid.

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  • 6 months ago

    If you are asked - just say 'thanks but no thanks' and move on.

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Its not rude to decline being a bridesmaid. If you don't want to be one, just tell the person, "thanks for thinking of me but I would rather not be in the wedding, I'll be glad to attend as a guest".

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    This isn't the time to stake your claim as a hater. Just explain to people that you can't spare the time nor money involved with being in a wedding party. When they're happy they won't care about your malevolent nature so just decline for financial reasons, as many people have to do because it's damn expensive to be a bridesmaid.

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You say. Oh what an honor. Thank you so much for asking me. But I am going to have to bow out, I just don’t have the budget or time I would want to give. I am so thrilled you are getting married and of course I want to be there as a guest to help you celebrate. I am really looking forward to it, you will be a beautiful bride,

  • 6 months ago

    How about:

    I'm so sorry, but I can't afford to commit to being a bridesmaid - but I'd love to celebrate your wedding with you as a guest!

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  • 6 months ago

    Don't do it be an usher they certainly can't trust you to watch the gift table.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    I think it's time to grow up and use your words. say you don't want to ever be one as it's too much "pressure" for your little child brain

    with your general attitude, I don't think anyone has you in mind to be their bridesmaid

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    If you "can't relate to women", then realistically this is never going to be a problem. If you have a sister or close cousin, they may feel obligated to make the offer but they will probably be relieved if you turn them down. Literally nobody is going to care if you just say plainly that you can't afford to be part of a wedding party and don't want the responsibility.

    Really I think you would be better served addressing your internalized misogyny than fretting over the vague possibility that you will be asked to wear a dress. You absolutely can relate to other women. No amount of asskissing will make you above sexism and men will never truly treat you like you are one of them. Find your real allies and life will be a lot easier for you.

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  • Eva
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Since it would appear no one has asked you to be a bridesmaid, you're kind of jumping the gun. The polite thing to do would be to thank them for asking you, but that you'd rather not, and then offer to do something specific that you would feel comfortable with.

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