I’m 21 and can’t cope with my husbands death. Suicide is looking like a real possibility?
The one year anniversary of my husbands death is coming up next week. This entire year has been simply excruciating. Hell on earth. We had gotten married when I was 19 and he was 21, we had dated for 5 years before we got married. we had just bought a house (which I lost because I could no longer afford it). We even had our future children’s rooms picked out. Ahhh my entire life has completely crumbled around me. I have been so depressed, I cry everyday. Most days I’m too sad to even eat food. It’s like my entire soul just aches. It just sucks because this isn’t a life. Many days I contemplate suicide because for me it’s just too painful to move on. Thinking about me one day being happy with another man just makes me sick.
I still text his phone, call him, and talk to him as if he is there. Even taking about him in past tense stings my heart.
I find that it’s hard to find anything worth living for. I have never thought about suicide but To me suicide is the only logical answer now...because I can’t live a life like this. It’s agony everyday, with no relief. I drink almost everyday and have been hooking up with random guys which is disgusting and embarrassing but honestly I just like having someone to sleep next too. What makes it even worse is all of it just makes me feel worse. My husband would be ashamed.
- .Lv 56 months ago
You are going through too much right now and you need help. You need to talk to your doctor about everything you listed here that you have been doing. Once you get the help you will slowly stop the toxic behaviour, you will become happier and notice a more positive outlook in life.
Not to worry you will come out of this dilemma alive and stronger.
I just lost my brother, and I understand where you're coming from, it's getting better everyday, every waking moment, I can't stop thinking of the loved ones that have left. It's hard, but I know for myself, I need to come out of this alive and stronger than before.
People like you and me and many others need to understand that there's a light ahead in this dark tunnel. We will get to the end of this tunnel and find the light.
- FoofaLv 76 months ago
Then get into counseling so you don't "shame" your deceased by doing something stupid. You're barely even old enough to drink and you've decided there's nothing else to live for. That's definitely not normal regardless of the circumstances and you're going to need professional help to get through this.
- Anonymous6 months ago
just continue reaching out for support guidance help and comfort until you feel better and don't feel ashamed for getting therapy or medication you're going through a lot.
- Anonymous6 months ago
This question makes my heart ache. I was widowed at 27 following 5 years of marriage (almost to the day). My husband was in a coma for 3 weeks before he died. I never believed he wouldn't come out of the coma, and the shock of his death was beyond belief.
I found that the first year was difficult. The second year was worse. The first year felt like a dress rehearsal. The second year was the beginning of forever.
All that saved me was my job. I HAD to support myself. I got up every day and went to work. Some days were better than others, but, again I HAD to support myself. People in their 20's and 30's usually don't have a lot of life insurance, and that was the case.
It sounds foolish, but we had two dogs, and I KNEW I had to care for them. I fed and vetted and walked them (by myself, which was something new), and they truly kept me going. I'm not saying to get a dog. I am saying that you can find one reason to go forward if you search hard enough.
My employer was understanding, but I did not break down at work, not ever. And - again - I HAD to support myself.
I tried counseling, and it was very painful for me. I tried group, and that was painful. One particular friend wouldn't give up on me and called every so often, and she helped me a lot.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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- RPLv 76 months ago
You need to seek professional help. Your reaction is not that unusual, but it should be obvious you could benefit from assistance to avoid letting your grief get the best of you.
- historyLv 76 months ago
It sounds like you are deep into grief, have developed insufficient coping mechanisms. Grief counseling would be great. I'm sorry for your husband's choice and grieving deeply is a very natural reaction.
At 21, most people have never wed, aren't through with their schooling, have a broken heart or two, broken dream or two, but nothing like what you have experienced. Most haven't. But many have.
I was into the drug culture in my late teens/twenties. My first two boyfriends killed themselves. Not husbands. There is a big difference. But after that... it took me years to trust men, to trust me, to believe in romance. I met my husband when I was 30 and we've built a lovely life.
However I do know what it's like to be lonely and heartbroken and develop destructive behaviors. I also know that the old saying, "If you find yourself walking THROUGH hell, keep on walking!" .. that means that there's a way out. There is. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a way out of hell. And neither of those are suicide. The way out is to choose to build a happy life. And require of yourself to take the steps to be grateful for the life you get to continue to have. Even though the sobs and howls and loneliness are there... so is the sunrise and good books and dancing. Gotta try that. And grief counseling is available for free from numerous agencies. Check it out.
- 6 months ago
Think of all the people you would hurt. Life is a good thing. You need to find a way to change your perspective to enjoy it. Get counseling.
- a Guy bein a GuyLv 76 months ago
Therapy is indicated....... get some.
- Anonymous6 months ago
I can identify with your pain and your feelings.
But you're 21 years of age. get yourself with a therapist and do your grieving and move on with a life terrible tragedies happen but you're so young that you have a whole life ahead of you it can be a wonderful Life. And in life there's good and there's bad. I'm sorry that you had to experience the bad so early in your life. but there's one good thing about it when you're young you heal quickly! So get yourself a good therapist and help yourself through the grieving process. and when it's done I hope that you have a wonderful life.