I'm really worried about my mum, can anyone help?

right from a boy, ive always been very close to my mum, she overprotected me and kept me close throughout life....i am a man who has coped with severe mental health problems from a young age, ive had a hard life with many traumas, and problems and missed out on a lot, including having relationships, never had a... show more right from a boy, ive always been very close to my mum, she overprotected me and kept me close throughout life....i am a man who has coped with severe mental health problems from a young age, ive had a hard life with many traumas, and problems and missed out on a lot, including having relationships, never had a female partner.

i have lived alone in a council flat/apartment since 2005, my mum has been my main support.......but just lately ive been going through a hellish time with my mental health, hell with my constant anxious thoughts and worries....and had a bit of a health worry, as i acquired type 2 diabetes years ago....and when i go through hell like this, because my mum talks me through it each day, and is closest to me in life, she goes through hell with me....shes elderly now and lives far from me in a bungalow...days ago i was talking to my mum about my obsessive worries on the phone, ive been in a real state for weeks now, and it finally took its toll on my beloved mum and she became emotional on the phone....& stupidly, selfishly, i hung up on her...and now, she hasn't phoned me for days? she usually phones me 4 times a day, every day, we are that close....and now im in a dark place, alone in my flat, worrying about her and feeling guilty for what i did, for sulking and my selfish inconsiderate action.

i'm frightened to phone her, because im scared to discover how my actions would of affected her? & how upset she might be?
Update: i'm now aged 41 and my mum has always done her best to talk me through my dark phases, shes acted like a therapist to me in a situation when the mental health services have let me down..how can i forgive myself? and im worried how my mum is now?
4 answers 4