Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 12 months ago

My mother doesn't want me and nothing i do pleases her, is there anyway to fix our relationship?

I'm not entirely sure when exactly this whole mess started. Maybe it was when I hit my teens, maybe it was always there. My mother keeps getting worked up over the dumbest things. She talks **** about me behind my back to friends and family. She says that I'm supposed to act like a young lady and look after the house. And I try, sure, I can probably try a bit harder, but I vacuum and dust and do the dishes and look after my sister since both of our parents are at work all day long. My mom uses her work as an excuse to not have to spend time with us since we keep giving her headaches, her words, not mine. She works in retail, and spends all the money that she makes on clothes and knick knacks, while telling others that she works hard to raise money for our family, even though she doesn't contribute to the bills- not even for her own car. When she gets home she's always on her phone, whether it's facebook, gossiping with friends or family, or online shopping. Only on rare occasions does she ever spend time with us without her phone.


She always complains to me about her relationship with my dad and there's no romance between them, along with other stuff I'd rather not hear. She keeps saying that since I'm 18 now, I can hear this stuff. That she sees me as her friend, someone to confide in. She keeps picking fights with me, and claims to be supportive of me (especially in front of others-my friends love her) but in reality I get little to no support for her.

Update 2:

she's also under the impression that if she buys us nice things we don't need or even ask for, then it's our fault. she throws it back in my face, along with the fact that she had a hard time with my birth. she freaked out when i told her i wanted to do a gap semester this fall because i don't feel mentally ready for college and do online classes, saying i'm a failure and disappointment. so i did what she wanted, and i started college today. still not enough.

Update 3:

she says awful, hurtful things when we fight, and more than once she has claimed that i'm her enemy a spawn of satan, and/or pure evil. then when we make up she tells me to stop making her say those things because she loves me.she's also "disowned" me on many times, including today,saying that unless i change my attitude i need to leave. one second she's nice and awesome,the next she's screaming profanities and how if it weren't for me she'd still be in home country with her friends and family.

Update 4:

despite doing my best to please her, she still tells me she wants me to leave. i've started having nightmares about her. i can't leave, though, because i don't trust her with my sister. there are times where she would forget to feed my sister because she's glued to her phone. i've been taking care of my sister to the point where she sometimes calls me mom. i've been so stressed between studies and trying to find a new job that i've started getting gray hairs, which is both cool and kinda sad

6 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    Your mom seems to be trying to live a life different from the one she created at home. If she's this far gone into her own "reality" perhaps all you can do is appeal to her on her own level. This means instead of complaining about your sister or the housework maybe you compliment her on her new (unwise) purchases. You may never have the normal parent/child relationship with her, but you can be her "friend" if you stoop to her (superficial) level periodically.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    you could try asking god to fix it

  • 12 months ago

    Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. You need her

  • 12 months ago

    I'm sorry for the horrendous situation you have to live in. My heart goes out to you.

    Your mother is unfortunately rejecting you. Nothing you do will satisfy her, because she psychologically abandoned you. She doesn't want a relationship with you. She obviously has serious psychological problems which have nothing to do with anything you did. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is the truth.

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  • Anonymous
    12 months ago

    I noticed you said you’re 18..have you considered trying to move out? If u can’t do it financially maybe there’s someone u can stay with rent free...sometimes some time apart is the best thing for a relationship

  • Anonymous
    12 months ago

    thank you, A C, i'm not christian, but i do believe in God. i don't know if this a test, but i just want it to be over. i keep praying but nothing ever happens, things may get a bit better for a brief period of time, only to get even worse afterwards

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