Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 12 months ago

Why would someone tell me their mum has died 9 months later?

This elderly lady lived up the road from me with her daughter and son-in-law. We used to exchange Xmas cards and last year I didn't get one from her. She didn't open her door much as I tried to find out many a time how she was, but couldn't get any answer. The daughter came knocking on my door telling me last week she died last November. Why tell me so late?

Update:

Should I send them a sympathy card or is it too late?

Update 2:

She knew we knew each other, Cogito.

13 Answers

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  • 12 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    It is not too late to write a short letter of condolence, starting with something like 'I am so sorry to hear about your mother and wish I had known much sooner' then whatever else you want to say.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    People mourn in different ways and often they're not emotionally capable of discussing their loss with someone they don't know incredibly well. Obviously if you were close family friend you'd have found this out sooner.

  • Daisy
    Lv 6
    12 months ago

    When someone s mother dies, it s devastating. It s a tremendous loss. Informing immediate family members is a priority, but not so much for acquaintances. Her obituary may have appeared in the local paper. If you don t read the paper or check the obits, then, it s possible that you missed it. I think it s fine to send a card. You can include a note saying you just found out and your are quite saddened by the news. You can also include a comment like, "She was always quite kind to me and always had a cherry hello for me whenever I saw her."

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    you need to ask her this question

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    When you are grieving you mother letting everyone know she died is not a top priority. Especially for someone who wasn’t that close to her mother. It doesn’t sound like you stop in that often. She also could of assumed you knew, that her mother’s death was in the neighborhood grapevine.

  • Anonymous
    12 months ago

    That's how it goes with the bereaved: so flaky.

  • Magma
    Lv 5
    12 months ago

    Because telling you isnt a priority for the daughter. How did you not know? Surely there was a funeral and people went to it.

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    Maybe she didn't know that you knew her mother at all?

    It sounds like she only just found out that you hadn't realised that her mother had died, and thought that you should be told.

  • Anonymous
    12 months ago

    Death of a mother is like no other. It is the most devastating death most family member will experience. So, maybe she was just too upset to talk to people about it. People often do just shut down. When my dad died two years ago my Mom didn't tell anyone.

    November was quite awhile ago....by now she may not want to think about it any longer unless she has to ....a card might be like opening old wounds. Maybe wait till Christmas and send her a Christmas card? If you see her you might say something like....since you're living on your own now, if there's anything I can do to help you along, just let me know. She will like that.

  • 12 months ago

    The lady either did not love her mother or the lady was grieving the loss of her mother

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