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Confused on sexuality?

I am pretty sure that I am gay but have had some recent doubts. I have never really wanted to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with another man. I look at well-built men but rarely do I get aroused. I just look and feel nothing. I feel like I am more comfortable watching porn than doing it for reals with another man.

I have always wanted to have children but found it impossible due to my sexual orientation.

The main problem began last year when I fell in love with a woman. I wanted to have a relationship with her, have babies with her, but I don t really feel sexually attracted to her. I am confused. I asked her out but she rejected me. It has been over a year since this has happened and I still find myself in longing to be with her. I have had other small crushes on girls but not as long as this one.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I am still pining over a girl that I am not sexually attracted to. Why does her rejection hurt so much?


I have watched gay porn about 99% of the time since I was 15. I am almost 30. I have noticed myself watching less porn and becoming more interested in dating women but not really interested in sex.

Update 2:

I have had small crushes on both men and women. Neither have lasted longer than a few hours. I have felt more sexually aroused by the male ones though. The crush on the girl that I am day dreaming about has lasted over a year.

3 Answers

  • 10 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Watching (and even enjoying) gay porn isn't necessarily an indication that you are gay, or would ever actually engage in gay sex. Pornography tends to present an idealized version of sexual acts that can give viewers an unrealistic expectation of what engaging in those acts is (or should be) like.

    You say you weren't sexually attracted to the girl you had a crush on - but your were fantasizing about having a long-term relationship and family with her (before she rejected you), but that you also don't tend to find yourself sexually attracted to anyone (male or female).

    This may be another side effect of having viewed porn over an extended period of time - the ability to select exactly what you want to watch, and the tendency of people to get bored with one thing and move onto another can make real-life relationships seem like too much work for too little reward.

    I suggest putting the porn up, consider "Alexander's" suggestion of talking to a professional, get out of the house more, and don't put unrealistic expectations on other people (or yourself).

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  • reme_1
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Call the gay center and talk to a counselor. He or she can help you find some answers.Do not waste your time pining for someone to you really were not into. You need to join some social groups- Check out pick some groups that interest you and go meet some different people.

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  • 10 months ago

    It's time to get professional help to sort through these feelings. And lack of them. Start with your family doctor for a thorough check-up and a physical. Then ask for a referral to a therapist experienced with issues related to sex and sexual attraction.

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