Is it bad to give your kid everything they want?
I disagree with the mother of my older daughter, she buys everything our daughter wants and my daughter's attitude is changing to a spoiled one. She throws tantrums when she stays at my place if she wants to go somewhere or wants a new doll or whatever. She started screaming and I didn't Kno what to do, all because she wanted me to buy her a tablet. I just grabbed her and leaved the store. I didn't buy her the tablet, but now she's talking back at everything I say or simply ignores me. When her mom came I told her what she did, and she asked me why didn't I just buyed her the damn tablet. I had a really long conversation *argument* about it. I don't think is a good idea to give your kids everything they want even if you can give it to them. What do you guys think?
- 11 months agoFavorite Answer
True, the word “no” might initially disappoint your child. Nevertheless, it teaches him a vital lesson—that in the real world, there are limits by which people must abide. After all, how much can a child respect an easily manipulated parent? Your saying no prepares a child for adolescence and adulthood. “The truth is, we [adults] don’t always get what we want,” writes Dr. David Walsh. “We’re not doing our kids any favors when we teach them that the world will always serve up whatever they want on a silver platter.”
Focus on your goal. You want your child to become a competent, emotionally mature, successful adult. But you work against that objective if you give him everything he asks for. The Bible says that if someone “is pampered from his youth, he will become thankless later on.” (Proverbs 29:21) Saying no, therefore, is part of effective discipline. Such training will help your child, not hurt him.
When you say no, be decisive. Your child is not your equal. So there is no need to debate your no as if you need him to approve it. Of course, as children grow, they need to have their “powers of discernment trained to distinguish both right and wrong.” (Hebrews 5:14) So it is not wrong to reason with a child. Nevertheless, do not get entangled in endless disputes with younger children about why you said no. The more you dispute with your child, the more your no will sound like a question rather than a decision.
Stick to your decision. Your child might test your resolve with whining or pleading. If that happens at home, what can you do? “Separate yourself from the child,” recommends the book Loving Without Spoiling. “Say, ‘If you’re in a whiny mood, that’s OK, but I don’t want to hear it. You need to go to your room. You can whine there until you are ready to stop.’” At first, such a firm stance might be difficult for you to take—and for your child to accept. But his resistance is likely to lessen as he realizes that you mean what you say.
Be reasonable. Do not say no just to flex your parental muscle. There are times when you can say yes to your child—as long as you are not giving in to mere whining and your child’s request is legitimate.
- perfectlybakedLv 711 months ago
I didn't read the whole detail, but it may depend on the kid.
If the kid has few particulars... but excells if they are accomodated... that might be worth it.
It might be worth the difficult task of trying to discern one from the other.
My mom pretty-much deprived me of most things and I became a recluse - although I've seen spoiling a kid go the wrong way, too... i.e. a parent in their senior age still bailing out their kid for acting on impulse.
Humanity is complex.
There is no one answer or template.
- MarkLv 711 months ago
In the case of big-ticket items, no, not bad at all. You should the mother of your child "if you want me to get it, then why don't you give me the money?" THAT would shut the mother up.
Growing up, I had two friends who were sisters. The parents gave the younger one everything she wanted and the older one almost nothing she wanted. Years later, I saw them together and the younger one was, well, a slut, a never-married mother, deeply unsatisfied with her life. The older one, however, had grown into a nice woman, had a job, and was altogether pleasant.
- Anonymous11 months ago
I wish that you weren't hiding behind the Blue Man, because you sound like a really smart guy. You did the right thing by putting your foot down and refusing to get the tablet for your daughter. It's called being a PARENT, which her mother ( your ex, I presume) obviously ISN'T ABLE, WILLING, or MATURE ENOUGH to do.
Yes, your daughter is spoiled- in fact, she's turned into one heck of a spoiled little BRAT. The next time she mouths off or talks back to you like that, take away all her electronics ( and that means everything- including her phone, computer, etc, etc.) and send her to her room without any dinner. Skipping one meal won't hurt her, and going to bed hungry might just teach her some lessons about not being so selfish. Otherwise, your only alternative when she argues, talks back, or mouths off is to start smacking her one across the mouth every time she does it- which I don't advocate because there is such a fine line between discipline and abuse. That line is easy to cross, and once you do that, it's tough to undo it.
In the future, when your daughter comes to visit you,prepare her room ahead of time. Keep any computer you own OUT OF her bedroom, and in a public area such as the kitchen, so that you can monitor what she does when she's online. Make it clear to her that the computer is to be used for SCHOOL WORK ONLY, and that you WILL BE watching what she's doing at all times while she's using it. You also need to make a rule that all electronic devices must be turned off by 10pm EVERY NIGHT, including on WEEKENDS. Make sure that you follow this rule yourself- turn off your phone, tablet, computer, etc, by 10pm too. This will help your daughter learn to manage her time, because she will know that there are limits to how much of it she has.
Trying to talk to your ex about your daughter's spoiled, selfish behavior is probably not going to get you anywhere, because your ex doesn't see this the same way that you do. I'm sure she probably feels guilty because the two of you aren't together any more, and is trying to make up for that by showering your daughter with all sorts of expensive things. In essence, she's trying to "buy" your daughter's affection and love. That's common with divorced parents. I experienced the same thing with my dad for years after my parents split up. He felt terrible about leaving me and my sister, and for the longest time, he kept showering me with expensive gifts to try to make up for it. But the problem was that I saw through what he was trying to do, and it only annoyed me after awhile. Your daughter may or may not get to a point where she's able to recognize the same behavior in her mother. If so, all to the good for you, because it will mean the end of her spoiled, whiny behavior. But if not, you'll have to be the one who makes the rules and enforces them, at least until your daughter is old enough to be on her own.
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- edwardLv 711 months ago
Every time she talks back you can do what my parents did. Smack my mouth or give me something to complain about. My wife’s parents used to hit her on the face with a fly swatter when she was being a pest.
- 11 months ago
Yes it is because they'll grow up being selfish little shits if you do that. As for your ex wife well she's gonna have even more trouble down the road if she keeps spoiling her.
- Anonymous11 months ago
A child needs to understand that they can't always have everything that they want. In some cases, it just isn't affordable or feasible to get certain things.
So - yes - it is bad to give a child everything because they need to learn how to handle it when they are told "no" and they need to learn how to handle not getting everything they want.
- Coach SimonLv 711 months ago
Of course it is. How do they learn to give as well as take, to find ways to get people to give them things/do stuff for them? To make their own way in the adult world in which things aren't handed to them on a plate. Read the parenting books! Especially perhaps “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- Katherine WLv 711 months ago
Get the book and video 1-2-3 Magic and learn the system. Your daughter can learn that she needs to behave differently with each parent, so that what works on her mom won't work on you.
Maybe also think about using condoms until you're married. Not to be harsh, but it will make your life better.
- Anonymous11 months ago