Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 6 months ago

Why does my boyfriends dad hate me and refuse to speak to me, I’ve done nothing wrong?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are expecting a baby in a couple months.

I’ve met his dad at numerous occasions now (family events/popping over to the house) etc, probably about a handful of times. Anyways, from the first ever time that I met him he didn’t even say ‘hello, nice to meet you’ and this was at a huge family event (a birthday party) so I was pretty uncomfortable and nervous anyways and I go to say hello to his dad and I just got nothing back. He just talked to my boyfriend as though I wasn’t there stood right next to him, like I was a ghost lol

Ever since then it’s always been the same whenever we’ve run into him or been at a family event like christenings and weddings etc i just feel as though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me / doesn’t give a sh*t about me. He doesn’t acknowledge me or say hello, so naturally I feel as though I can’t approach him and even start a conversation.

I’m pregnant now too and he never once has asked how I am, or how its going, how long do i have left, I’m excited etc. The usual stuff you say. NOTHING

What can I do. My due date is nearing and at this rate I won’t want him anywhere near me or the baby. Im not going to want to go to family events where he’s there, and I don’t want that to affect mine and my daughters relationship one day either. My boyfriend just says it will get better naturally but I really don’t see it happening. I want him to speak to his dad but he just says it will cause arguments

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  • 6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    YOUR boyfriend needs to step up and confront his dad about how hurtful the dad is being to you, and to him the boyfriend by disrespecting the woman he loves (and the mother of his child), and this behavior has got to stop. The boyfriend needs to get a backbone.

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  • 6 months ago

    I have dealt with that first hand but my timeline of events is alot different. I personally believe if they hated you at one point they will always still hate you to a degree deep down. If your boyfriend can't step up and stand up for you and your child then he either needs a slap in the face or you need to leave him. Unless he's dumb as **** then there's no way he hasn't noticed that his father is like that towards you. You need to talk to your boyfriend and if the bullshit doesn't change spare yourself the lifelong pain and leave him.

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  • 6 months ago

    I think your boyfriend's dad holds you responsible for ruining his son's life. He is probably furious with you and holding his tongue to keep his son happy. You BF probably has told him to behave himself.

    I wouldn't blame him. Would you? I bet he wanted his son to marry a nice girl and then have babies, whenever son has the money to pay for them.

    I do not hold you solely responsible, but I wouldn't be too happy with you (or my son), either. My sons married their sweethearts and had children and live great lives. I am proud of them. I love my daughters-in-law. They didn't get pregnant to hold a man or have someone take care of them. They both had great jobs and great lives before my sons came along.

    My advice? Leave the man alone. Enjoy your baby, enjoy your bf and enjoy your life and let him come around when he can. Having a grandchild may soften him up. Don't punish him for being so upset.

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  • 6 months ago

    So his dad is a jerk. Why are you taking this personally? It's not about you. His own son can't talk to him without an argument.

    Once the baby is born, then you can choose whether this guy sees your child or not. Just tell your boyfriend that you're happy to have his family over, you will greet them at the door, and anyone who wants to see the baby will say hello to you first. Simple.

    You can also get counseling if you wish. I suggest joint counseling with your boyfriend.

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    • Starlight 1
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      Granted, he's taking it out on the woman, but the fact is that they were BOTH really IRRESPONSIBLE about this. It takes two to tango, after all. I'm actually surprised that the dad in this case hasn't totally disowned his son for his behavior. It sounds like he might be headed that way, in fact.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Your boyfriend's dad doesn't hate you, but he also doesn't LIKE YOU, either. His hostility towards you, in fact, is his way of expressing his DISAPPROVAL of and DISGUST with the fact that you and your boyfriend aren't MARRIED, and here you are pregnant with his grandchild, whom he knows will be born out of wedlock. To people of your boyfriend's dad's generation, marriage is not only important, it's necessary. When your bf's dad was growing up, women didn't do things like get pregnant without being married unless they wanted to be stigmatized and possibly to ruin their lives. So that's one major strike against you right there, and it's not going to change no matter what you do or say to this man. I'm sure that he also feels that his son could have done better than to be with you, and/or that his son isn't mature enough to accept the responsibilities which will come with parenthood (such as having to pay you child support, for example) and being "tied down" as that generation would put it. And lastly, I am sure that your boyfriend's dad is very uncomfortable with the idea that his son is having and has had a sexual relationship with you. MOST parents are generally uneasy about this at best, because one of the things that bother them is the ever present possibility that they'll get stuck raising a grandchild that they neither wanted nor have any interest in. I'm sure that neither you nor your boyfriend ever really stopped to consider all these things before you started trying for a baby- and now the effects of that lack of planning are coming back to haunt you. Sure, you can go ahead and get married after the baby comes- but in the eyes of his dad (and more than likely, your own PARENTS) the damage has already been done. I'm sure that YOUR family wishes that you would have waited until you were MARRIED and in a stable relationship and living situation before you got pregnant, and I can't-and don't- blame them. If it were me, I'd feel the same way. Your baby deserves to have a stable home with parents that love one another and are married, and can provide for her. She isn't going to get that as long as the two of you remain unmarried and without a stable living environment, however. And that, more so than almost anything else, is what your boyfriend's family objects to. They're just not willing to put it into words, because they know it will cause a fight and hurt your feelings- and it should. Because "living in sin" as the old timers put it, is WRONG, period. It's not healthy over the long term for ANYONE-, you, your baby, or your boyfriend.

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  • 6 months ago

    You've got to look at it from the Dad's perspective. I'm not saying he is right, but I do understand why he feels the way he does. He likely has had big plans for his son since he was little on how to be successful in the world. Then you come along and get pregnant and suddenly all his dreams for his son are out the window. He is probably mad at both his son and you. Not that any of that is fair or justified, but I want you to understand his point of view.

    Hopefully he will gradually accept this new reality and lose some of his anger. Talking to him now won't help. He needs time. The worse thing you can do now is something like keeping him out of your life. You two need to get to know and understand each other, and he needs reassurance from his son that things will be OK in the future, even if the future is not what his Dad expected.

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    • Starlight 1
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      I don't blame the dad one bit for his feelings- in fact, I sympathize with him. It's not easy as a parent to have to accept the idea that one's child has done something this serious, and isn't prepared to accept the responsibility for his actions. Of course he's mad- who wouldn't be?

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  • 6 months ago

    You are drawing a conclusion based upon no evidence and an unreasonable expectation to be welcomed by all people. His Dad doesn't hate you, he just sounds like a shy guy. Maybe you have an expectation that people get over shyness past a certain age, but that isn't true. And when you encounter them, you have to make a larger effort to break through it.

    When I was younger I had a girlfriend who had a father that looked and acted grumpy every time I saw him. Not only did he barely acknowledge my presence, he looked at me like he could read my mind and every dirty thought I had about his daughter making me actively fear him, On the other hand, her mother adored me. But as I was around longer that fear dissipated and learned about his interests through his wife and daughter so finally initiated conversation using this info and magically he cheered up in my presence and we remained friends years after I broke up with his daughter by talking about things he was interested in discussing. I suggest you use the same strategy,

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  • 6 months ago

    Seems he doesn’t like you. The pregnancy only reinforced that, tip off being your bf saying he can’t speak w him bc it will cause arguments. Punishing him by withholding your child will only intensify the distance between you two. Continue to speak to him, regardless if he responds - you’re being the bigger person, and he may or may not come around. No need to lower yourself to his level.

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