Is this a good song to write for my girlfriend? Still Incomplete?

I've just came up with this 5 min ago tell me what you think...

Is it enough to shatter windows with the beat of my heart?

Is it enough to transform mountains with the thought of your eyes?

Is it enough to blind the world with the smile you cast upon?

Is it enough to climb the skies and with an ardent scream,

Drop into your ears as if it were melody… I Love You?

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    11 months ago

    I imagine a psychotic woman who has carved out your heart, and beats windows until the window is utterly pulverized and the heart shredded with shards of glass.

    This woman, naturally, must be demented and of a hideous personality. As one might say, the eyes are the window to the soul; and so with that, even worse than medusa, the gaze of this demented wretch is enough to malform and debase even mountains with her hideous warped glare. All is marred by this she devil.

    However, this type of lady could clearly not go unnoticed by society, and so with great deception and trickery she hides her true self behind a disgustingly fake face. One with a smile that can appease the gentry, nobility, and poverty-stricken. They live in a world of lies that she has constructed, because they do not know her vileness, and remain ignorant of it. In this way, it may be said that her smile is from a place of genuine happiness, for her torment may continue uninhibited.

    Yet, if she were to be discovered, and even more miraculously, cornered, she would unleash her most violent weapon yet. While her eyes can mar and make that once cherished now disgusting. Her voice is the cacophony of Hell's collective power and suffering. Before her scream, all things are broken and withered. Nothing shall endure or survive. A voice that is bidden forth by both a passionate rage and sadistic pleasure. Physically capable of propelling herself into the air, and foul enough to be the end of all things.

    The antichrist is truly among us, in this most decrepit and baseless body. It is only by the enslavement of lower life forms, such as yourself, giving constant praises of physical attributes and affections that she shows even the slightest use of restraint, rather than tormenting us at her whim.

    Godspeed this wretch the quickest death possible, so that ye may be rid of her tyranny.

    Also, she's probably one of those annoying vegan people.

    P.S. Please show her my work.

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  • Me2
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    I think it's far too overblown.

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  • 11 months ago

    it was fine until the scream. You went from lyrics of romance to lyrics of anger and horror.

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