Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 6 months ago

My father who left when I was three years old wants to re-connect. Should I accept the outreach and how (I am 31 now)?

I have only seen him once since I was aged 3 and that was when I was eleven and my grandmother (his mother) died. She had stayed in touch with us so we went to the funeral. Our Dad was cordial but acted like we were distant 2nd cousins and not like we were his own two children. He did not hug us which I recall hurt me. He wants to reach out via Facebook and I see on his page that he has kids now and a new wife (wife #4). He has lung cancer it shows on his Facebook page.

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  • 6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you should reconnect. He probably wants to make amends. He may not have been there when you were growing up, but you can still work through some of those things that kept you apart. Maybe he did not know how to be a father to you when you were children and now he regrets the past. The fact that he has kids now should help him understand what he has missed with you. You should go with your sibling since you both went through it together and can give each other moral support.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    thats up to you what you want to do

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  • 6 months ago

    He is not your father. He is just a sperm donor. You don't owe him anything.

    • Tony6 months agoReport

      me and my dad don't get on with eacrh other , I am not sure me and my dad I use ride his back in the swimming pool maybe it it becased I like someone but it end badly for my brother

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  • 6 months ago

    Up to you. You have no responsibility to reach out to him, even if he is dying.

    Ask yourself, when he dies, will you feel sad that you didn't reach out.

    Honestly, the guy has issues with commitment (wife 4?).

    But also keep in mind that you don't want to get sucked into his orbit now that he is dying.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Not if you don't feel comfortable with this situation. You have no obligation to re-connect with a parent who abandoned you, especially if he's made zero effort to contact you before this point. A terminal illness can cause someone to re-examine his/her life (in line with religious beliefs, etc). You do the best thing for you in this situation.

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  • 6 months ago

    Come on - it's entirely up to you. You might feel quite badly if he dies and you have not at least visited him.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    You're the only person that can decide if it's right for you. If he has lung cancer, he's likely trying to reach out knowing his time left is limited.

    There is no right or wrong answer. He has had very limited involvement with you.

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  • 6 months ago

    Entirely up to you, if I was you, I would want to know then where and why's. But that's just me

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