I feel jealous of people's happiness and I have no self confidence?

I mean since I was 13, and I gained weight me and mom we used to go on vacation she would start insulting me about my weight and my smell then we would fight. Im 20 now I traveled for 6 months overseas for college but it didn t work so I came back. I can graduate on time, but I feel mad at myself. I see other... show more I mean since I was 13, and I gained weight me and mom we used to go on vacation she would start insulting me about my weight and my smell then we would fight. Im 20 now I traveled for 6 months overseas for college but it didn t work so I came back. I can graduate on time, but I feel mad at myself. I see other people smiling and happy; I know one classmate she got married. Im still nervous and anxious sometimes so some part of me is jealous of people s happiness and I m always angry. I feel like a failure since I don t know how to be happy or have self confidence.
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