How to discipline angry toddler?
my son is 17 months and as of lately has been very aggressive and lots of temper tantrums over little things. I started spankings from 12 months on when I knew he could understand the word no fully. But it seems the pats on the butt are not working and it’s more so encouraging him to hit back or hit when he is mad. What other forms of discipline might be effective?
- Sweet peaLv 610 months agoFavorite Answer
You cant. Some parents choose time outs and thats at a minimum age 2. You cant discipline a baby under 2
At 1, we constantly redirected. Constantly and still do at 2. Toddlerhood is tough! If toddler is throwing food, we would grab his hand and say youre showing me youre all done, food is for eating, balls are for throwing, and give him an appropriate thing to throw. If hes climbing something dangerous, “chairs are for sitting, lets climb stairs.”
At age 2 we are now using methods in the book How to Talk so Little kids Will Listen. Its actually working!! No punishments here.
- James BlackleyLv 79 months ago
Here's the problem
You aren't disciplining him, instead you are punishing him, and yes there is a huge difference! Disciplining is about teaching someone new things, providing boundaries, and helping teach right vs wrong, and having non violent consequences for bad behaviour. Punishing, is about retaliating, doing something wrong to reply in kind for someone else doing something wrong.
Spanking is no different than slapping/punching someone in the face, its the same tactic but applied to a different area of the body. You aren't coming from a good place here, you are coming from a place of malice, anger, frustration, 100% the wrong approach. At nearly 2, he/she needs to be taught proper coping mechanisms for being angry/lashing out, instead YOU are amping up the situation by being violent towards your child, no excuses here! I have a nephew who is aggressive like that (he's 4) and he has pushed/pinched/slapped me before and I have NEVER hit him back, its called having self control and setting a good example for him, under no circumstances would I ever lay a hand on him.
The first thing you should be doing here is when he is being aggressive/violent etc, is to remove him from the whichever room he/she is in and place him in a room where the door can be closed and he/she can have time to cool down. This allows him/her to process her anger, and to think things through at their own pace without having someone in their face. A time out at 17 months, should be no more than 10 minutes, anything longer is too much at that age, anywhere from 5-10 mins is ideal.
Secondly, you need to gain some self awarness too and understand you too are not in a good place when you spank him, you too also need a time out as well, where you can cool down and learn not to respond in a violent manner towards your child, this should be no more than 10 minutes as well.
Thirdly, when the time out is over, that is when you discuss things with your son in a CALM (I need you to understand this word ) and non violent manner ( I will keep saying this until it sinks in!)! This is where you tell him that his behaviour is bad and it will not be tolerated, at 17 months they are old enough to understand it! Then you discuss with him why he is so angry, it could be something as he knocked over a drink, or he lost a toy etc, this is where you as a parent help guide him through appropriate coping mechanisms on how to behave in a more acceptable way!
The biggest thing and I will take this back to me discussing about you being violent here, because I cannot say this enough, it is NOT acceptable at all! First off, you are his role model, so how you behave/act, he will mimick it, so if your going around yelling at him, slapping him etc, he will conduct himself in the same manner! Secondly, assaulting someone does NOT de-escalate a situation, it only amp things up, think about it this way, if someone slaps you in the face you would get pissed and feel the need to hit back, see where I'm going with this? Lastly, assaulting someone does not get to the root of the problem, the problem is still there after the assault is over.
- Suzy QLv 710 months ago
So your toddler, who you've been hitting basically for being a toddler for the past 5 months, has become angry and aggressive?
Gee, I wonder why.
- LizBLv 710 months ago
Not disciplining at all, but instead putting more effort into understanding *why* he's behaving in a developmentally appropriate way. Tantrums at that age are NORMAL, and they come primarily from frustrations about communication. Toddlers at that age understand way more than they're able to say, so your job as a parent is to help your child develop tools for communicating his wants and needs.
In other words, by spanking him, you're basically punishing him for having emotions and trying to express them. Even worse, you're teaching him that the appropriate response to being angry or frustrated is to hit someone. And you wonder why he's hitting you back? YOU have taught him that. If you want to un-teach it, then I recommend Googling "anatomy of a tantrum" and start reading up on why your baby is behaving the way that he is, and how to appropriately empathize and help him learn to cope with the big feelings he's too little to understand. Continuing with the spankings will only teach him a) that he can't trust you with his big emotions and b) that anger and violence are the only appropriate emotions to express. And that will bite you in the a** a few years down the line.
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- Star_of_DarknessLv 710 months ago
With a belt to he back side like a GOOD parent.
- LafawnduhLv 510 months ago
Take his toys away