I'm a 28 year old African American woman who wants to move to either Japan, Hong Kong, South Korea, Spain or Italy to become a reculse.....?

So how do I do it? I'm fed up with so many things. I'm an emotional and psychological sadomasochist who enjoys the thought of killing others and herself or doing something that will get me killed and ending up in Hell. Moreover, the thought of either me or another person getting unjustly and undeservedly... show more So how do I do it? I'm fed up with so many things. I'm an emotional and psychological sadomasochist who enjoys the thought of killing others and herself or doing something that will get me killed and ending up in Hell. Moreover, the thought of either me or another person getting unjustly and undeservedly brutally murdered and then go to Hell while your murderer goes to Heaven just makes me want to contemplate suicide. I want to kill myself to free myself from this wretched existence. I wish that I never even came into God's thoughts. That's all I have to say.

I'll go to either Spain, Italy, Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea and maybe even Germany to isolate myself from the rest of the world. I'm done.
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