What would you do if your child was the bully?
You get a call from school. Your child isn't suffering from bullying. Your child is the bully.
Plus, there is evidence. His voice is heard and he was caught on cam backing another kid against the wall, throwing a punch and then laughing.
You as a parent, what would you do?
- AngieLv 46 months agoFavorite Answer
First, it is vital that you understand the mentality of the bully. Why do people bully? There really is no one answer, as it is often a culmination of things. But there are definitely traits and characteristics that seem to be much more common in those who bully. Bullying is often a symptom of other underlying issues, and before you can begin to address the symptom (bullying), you must be able to understand the issues that are going on which have led up to the bullying.
1. Most bullies have low self esteems. They feel that by humiliating and destroying the confidence of another, this will somehow boost their own lack of self confidence.
2. Most bullies are insecure. Bullies often fear what they do not understand. Rather than finding a healthy way to to cope with their fears and insecurities, they lash out.
3. Bullies are often arrogant and have an unreasonable sense of entitlement. Now this may seem contradictory to the other things mentioned, but they actually go hand in hand. Arrogance is NOT confidence, and has nothing to do with self esteem. Arrogance is often the result of a lack of self esteem. When a person is arrogant, he/she is compensating for what they lack in their own perceived abilities. For instance, if your child does not think he is good enough, talented enough, smart enough, etc., he will often over inflate himself to make up for what he perceives he is lacking in other areas.
4. Some bullies have been victimized at some point in their own lives, and they themselves can later become the bullies. They never found healthy ways to cope with being victimized, and some go on the offense out of fear and anger. Many develop the unhealthy mentality of "I have to hurt them before they have the opportunity to hurt me."
Now that you may have a little bit of an idea of some possible internal struggles your son may be dealing with, you can now begin to take steps to correct the problem(s).
1. First thing's first. Apologies are in order. If it hasn't already been done, I would speak with the principal or school counselor and request a brief meeting. Those present should be the principal/counselor as a neutral mediator, the child who was bullied, a parent/guardian of that child, yourself, and your child. Your child needs to offer a sincere apology to the child he bullied. As his parent, you should offer the other child's parent an apology on behalf of your son for the pain and problems caused to his/her child. Ultimately, we are responsible for our children's behavior. While we love to be there and stand next to our children in the moments when they shine, we must also be there to take responsibility when our children make the wrong choices. It would be very counterproductive for the parents to harbor resentment and to not have a discussion to clear the air. Remember, children model the behavior of their parents. Both parents of each child should be handling the situation maturely and cordially. Assure the other parent that you will be taking the proper steps to correct the problem, and that any similar behavior from your child will not be tolerated. The child's parent will, no doubt, be feeling very hurt that his/her child was mistreated, and so it is appropriate to acknowledge the other parent's hurt they feel for their child and to assure them that you are taking every step to ensure their child will not be hurt at the hands of your child in the future. Hopefully, the other parent will be understanding and reasonable.
2. There must be consequences for his bad behavior. As far as what would be appropriate consequences for your child is solely up to you. As his parent, you know what works best for your child. Whatever the consequences, ALWAYS follow through. Never give in or make exceptions.
3. Because it is possible your child is suffering with low self esteem and insecurities, it is vital that you are communicating with him. Your child always needs to know that it is okay for him to talk to you about anything and everything, from the things that are bothering him to the things he is passionate about. Make the time to talk. A 30 minute conversation will not cut it. This communication should be occurring every day. It is vital that you find the source of his fears and low self esteem so that you can address and correct those problems. Communication is key in EVERY healthy relationship.
4. Focus on the things he is good at. Again, arrogance is often an overcompensation for what someone perceives is lacking, so make sure you are praising him and encouraging him for the things he does excel in. Whether it is sports, art, music, math, etc. It doesn't matter how big or small the things are he excels in. Hone in on those things, and always let him know how proud you are of him.
5. Let him know that it is okay to fail. As human beings, we all fail. Unfortunately, some people cannot cope well with personal failures. Whether it is because they feel that others around them have set unrealistic expectations for them or whether they have set those unrealistic expectations for themselves, some people simply cannot handle any measure of failure, and can struggle with confidence and low self esteem. Again, let him know that it is okay to fail. The important thing is to get back up and try again.
6. If necessary, seek professional counseling. Adolescents and teens struggle with many things. Hormones are often raging, and the things we struggled with are very different than the things our children are struggling with today. While the feelings and internal struggles are never changing, many of the sources of those struggles change with each generation. Many children and teens have more difficulty opening up about some of these struggles with their parents. This is where professional counselors can be very beneficial at helping us get to the roots of our conflicts and finding healthy, productive ways to cope with those things.
- PearlLv 76 months ago
send him to reform school
- Anonymous6 months ago
I would ground my child and take away all of his privileges such as tv, going to friends houses, and internet until he learns to treat others with respect.
- 6 months ago
I would do role playing to teach your child empathy. Act out situations like your child having a yummy snack, and another child pushes him and takes it. Ask how it makes him feel. Tell him others feel just the same way. Have someone tease him about the shirt he is wearing. Ask him if it makes him feel good or bad. Teach him to stop and ask himself this question before doing something: would I like it if this was done to me? How would it make me feel?
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- 6 months ago
Nothing, because he would never be. Ultimately if your child isn't a sociopath, in which case his brain is physically unable to feel empathy, the blame falls on the parents or whoever is doing the raising and from me and my wife no child would take any kind of bullying behavior.
Now, if I led my child to a bullying path the first thing I'd do is talk to him. That for a whole day or two. I'm not kidding. What most parents would do is have a 20-minute talk but that can't possibly change anything. You've been grooming your child to be something for years and you want to change stuff with just 20 minutes? That's the kind of behavior that probably led to bullying in the first place.
Anyways, I'd talk to him for that amount of time and discuss bullying with him. I'd say why exactly is it bad and to demonstrate I'd make him watch many bullying videos on the net. Following this I'd try make him understand the nature od violence and sufference and after all, I'd apologize and admit blame.
- Anonymous6 months ago
I think parents with kids who are bullies don't really care what there kids are doing. I remember when I was in school there was this kid who was a total asshole. He didn't hit people or anything but his words and actions were incredibly disrespectful. But despite that he was still very popular and most people only had good things to say about him. Anyway his mom was a teacher at the school and one year I had her class and he was in that class with me. The way he treated his mom in that class completely shocked me. I couldn't believe the way he talked to her. And she just took it and didn't do anything about it. So not only did he bully people at school but he also bullied his parents.
- KellyLv 76 months ago
I would realize that there is a parenting problem where he/she thinks this is okay.
You're your kids' first teacher and they learn more by observing than words. How you treat and talk about people is how they will.
Kids need to learn respect for others, kindness and also be disciplined. A lot of bad kids is a result of bad parenting and usually a lack of discipline. A lot of kids I see, I can see who is in charge at home and it's the kids.. it shouldn't be. Don't be afraid to discipline your kids or tell them no. You're their parent, not their friend.
You also don't necessarily parent each child the same, they learn differently.
- yLv 76 months ago
Nothing. What I mean by that is if your kid is the one doing this crap, then you have already failed as a parent. Which means one might play it like they are all upset or shocked. But the reality is, they created that little monster in some way. Doubt they will do anything different becouse it has spilled out in public. Probably double down on what they have been doing all along.
- Anonymous6 months ago
He would be in SO much trouble. I don't have kids and never will, but if I did I would raise them strictly to treat people with respect. Plus it's one thing to verbally abuse, but in this scenario he was hitting people?? Oh hell naw. He's most likely going to get a verbal whooping from me and maybe physical. Then he will get electronics confiscated no tv or video games
- 6 months ago
Discipline him and teach him that nobody will love him if he is a bully
- megalomaniacLv 76 months ago
It means that you have to do something different at home. You have to change the status quo to stop your child from thinking that they have more rights than anyone else. Bullying often comes from a feeling of entitlement and lack of respect for others. You as a parent have a role to play in changing that.