Here's a fool proof method that works EVERY time, GUARANTEED!!!
1) Go at the height of the lunch rush
2) Note your server's name, when he/she takes your order. I'll call him/her 'Chris'
d) Order EVERYTHING on the menu. *Edit:Step 6 was inadvertantly left out...
6) 8 minutes after you order, quietly change tables
Ɛ) EXACTLY 9 minutes after the server takes your order, call Applebee's, identify yourself as 'Special Agent Hammer, CIA, Domestic Terrorism Unit', and ask to speak to 'Chris', but request they DO NOT tell him/her who is calling.
x) When 'Chris' answers, inform him that his family has all been slaughtered, and that while investigating, the FBI have found Brony and Furry porn, on the computers and mobile devices, in the house. Tell him that Fox News named him as the prime suspect, and as a result, President Trump has been on Twitter, telling everyone that 'Chris' is a Socialist, and needs to die. Seal Team Six is about to do a 'hot' entry, into Applebee's, and are going to BinLaden his sass.Tell 'Chris' that, while you would love to comply with the POTUS' 'suggestion', you do not believe in extra-judicial executions, without extensive waterboarding, first. Therefore, he needs to sneak out the back, and conceal himself in the waste grease dumpster, until it all blows over.
$) Eat, Drink, and be Mary. Ask for a doggy bag.
Couldn't be simpler!