Being too nice?
This may seem like a minusscule thing but I figure I ask random people since this is weighing on me. So a few months ago my boyfriend moved to a new neighborhood. I do not live with him but obviously visit him there. Eventually I got acquainted with his neighbors, one being an older (late 50s or so) man named Mr. Mike. After a while, Mr. Mike found out that I lived the next city over, the same city in which his friend lives. His friend gathers groceries for him and have them delivered to him. One day he asked if I can pick them up and bring them to him. Well, I did once, twice, then more for a while. Happens once or twice out of each month. This was until recently when I started to tell them, "no".
To describe myself, I am very caring, respectful, and just have a lot of love for ppl. Seen as a person who is too mice. But it's like a never ending thing when I do a favor for someone, and they keep coming to me for repeated "help". It gets quite annoying because I am busy myself. Not always, but I like to keep my daily patterns. People seem to just include themselves within them.
Am I wrong for deciding to stop helping?
- bluebellbkkLv 77 months ago
Your mistake was letting it happen over and over until it became a habit. You should have said right from the beginning that you'd be glad to do it from time to time but that it might not always be convenient - coming a different route, or whatever.
Then, even when it WAS convenient, you should have said 'Sorry, not this time' a couple of times, just to establish the point.
The plain fact is that they're using you because you LET them.
But don't just say 'No' out of the blue. Find a way to cut right down on the number of times you do this, but don't stop altogether. You never know when you might need them to do YOU a favour.
- AngieLv 47 months ago
Being helpful when we can is always a good thing. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of those who have good hearts. You would not be wrong for refusing to run errands for this man. I'm assuming you are not being compensated in any way for fuel, time, and inconvenience. If this is the case, it is outrageous that you are even being asked to do this for him in the first place. It might be different if it were only one time, however, he seems to be depending on you regularly to take care of his business.
If you no longer wish to deliver his groceries and/or other goods, you have every right to stop. Don't let him or anyone else guilt you into thinking he is going to starve without you, because he has obviously gotten along just fine before you came along. Just tell him, "I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. Unfortunately, my schedule is just too sporadic and busy. Perhaps you should look into the delivery services and community resources available in your area so that you can get the help and assistance you need, as they can give probably give you much better service than what I am able to give you."
If you don't mind helping him once in a while, set some ground rules, and see to it he respects them. He doesn't get to negotiate. Your time, your money, your vehicle wear-and-tear, your inconvenience, YOUR TERMS, not his.
- FoofaLv 77 months ago
No, you're not wrong for not wanting to be this guy's permanent grocery delivery service. But you can usually temper such a refusal with some little white lies to make it land better. "I'll be too busy that day" is a fine response.
- .Lv 77 months ago
Your first mistake was saying "yes" to begin with.
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- STEPHENLv 77 months ago
Being nice often leads to being taken for granted. Then, when you stop doing what was "nice" you're seen as nasty.
It's a fine line and it's often difficult to stay on the right side.
- PatriciaLv 77 months ago
My friend vacuumed an old lady's place and she's still doing it every week, 4 years on. That's just her, she can't say no. Good for you for saying no, he's taking advantage of you.
- 7 months ago
Being too nice isn't good
- PearlLv 77 months ago
i dont think so, i would just tell hirn you dont have the tirne to do it