What shall I do ? My marriage is in trouble?
My husband is 16 years older than me. When we got married and things were initially smooth. As times went on, I felt insecurities in the marriage. We used to rent out rooms which was not something I totally liked but I agreed as we were financially tight. He basically chats everything in front of our tenants. There was nothing personal. He keeps the house very messy and in the process of clearing old junk, I accidentally threw one of his favourite souvenir which of course I was not aware of as he never shared the importance of that particular souvenir. He was extremely frustrated that I cleared things and did not speak to me for days. Despite being heavily pregnant, I was not forgiven. The news that my dad passed away came 3 days later and that was when he spoke to me.
Things became slightly better when the baby was coming.
But my in-laws interfering complicated things. I don’t get any help with childcare from him not even changing a single diaper.
I tolerated as he was busy with work. My mother in law passed the comment stating why must I fuss since my only job is looking after the baby.
Things is just getting worse, he is not wanting to sleep in the same room, states the baby waking up will disturb his sleep etc. Even sitting together for a meal, he barely speaks, says he is too tired with work.
What do I do ? I am trying to be tolerant but this is just getting too much.
Apologies for such long message...
- kimLv 75 months ago
Hes older. Older men really need their sleep. They have much less interest in sex and he fits a senior man's description. Sorry, you picked him.
- Alan HLv 75 months ago
You two need to talk.
You say that he talks in front of your tenants.
You openly criticise him to strangers.
Perhaps a Marriage Enrichment course would help.
Marriages are worth working on...but it takes two.
- - Mé -Lv 75 months ago
You know why your husband chose you?
Because a woman his age wouldn't tolerate all these behaviours.
He stonewalls you when you don't agree with him.
He's 16 years older yet he is not financially stable.
He's a slob.
He doesn't act like a parent
He doesn't set boundaries with his parents about your relationship.
Etc. I mean. Yeah he's busy with work but he's also a damn adult. What was he doing before he had a wife? Who cleaned the house? Other equally busy adults still hold a job and make the time to parent their kid. That's what parenting means.
On top of that your nosy mother in law tells you "your only job is looking after the baby"? the ****?? A baby is a lot of work.
And on top of that he doesn't make an effort to talk to you? Sorry but divorce his ***. Life is too short to put up w this bs.
- SteveLv 75 months ago
Sleep is vital. Let him sleep in another room. It likely isn’t permanent. You’ve got to negotiate these obstacles with him.
That’s probably why he was angry about you cleaning things out without talking to him first. It’s good that you’re cleaning; it’s not good that you’re not checking before throwing. If he’s worried you’re going to do it again, assure him it won’t happen.
If you need help changing diapers, say so.
It appears you had to rent out rooms. One has to do what one has to do.
You have to communicate with him. You’re on the same team, so keep him apprised of how you’re feeling and be supportive.
If he’s too tired he’s too tired. At least he’s telling you he’s too tired, right?
Make sure he gets a good nights sleep regularly, and do your best to get the sleep you need.
Remind your MIL what it’s like to deal with a baby when she asks why the fuss. Don’t argue about it.
Tolerate, but don’t JUST tolerate. Tolerate, communicate, and negotiate.
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- 5 months ago
You need to have a quite frank, open and honest talk with him in private. Currently, it sounds like he is on his way out of the door.