Wrestling with an issue concerning my mom?
I’m 30 years old. About 8 years ago me and my now fiancé got into some trouble (theft and drugs). My parents had to raise my daughter for about 5 years. My bf went to prison and I married another guy that I’m no longer with. My parents don’t approve of my boyfriend because of our past, but I feel it’s none of their business. My mom and my brothers recently went to my ex husband and caused me to lose full custody of our son. My mom also has been anonymously communicating with his family, telling them about something I did to them that may get me thrown in jail. I’m hurt and angry that my family would stab me in the back. My mom was nice to my face, all the while communicating with my ex’s family. She’s telling people that she couldn’t come to me with her feelings, because I don’t listen and I’m confrontational. That’s not an excuse. I have filed restraining orders on all of them and forbid them to see my kids. I never want to talk to them again. Am I right?
- - Mé -Lv 76 months agoFavorite Answer
While I get that you are hurtful because of what you feel it's your family "stabbing you in the back" I think you are also not taking responsibility for your actions and playing the victim card here.
For starters, you got in some SERIOUS problems and that caused your parents raised your daughter for about 5 years.
You married another guy that you are not longer with, which tells you aren't very good at picking partners.
Now you have another boyfriend and you expect your parents to be happy for you and ignore the fact that you have a list of bad decisions. "it's none of their business". Sorry but it is. You made it their business the moment you made them raise your daughter for years bc you were doing don't know what. So you expect them now to be sitting waiting for you to f*ck up again and hurt your kid in the process? Yeah sure.
"My mom and my brothers recently went to my ex husband and caused me to lose full custody of our son. " You have to be an unfit parent to lose full custody so don't come whinning now. Judges don't strip parents from custody just because, you did or didn't something that made a judge take that decision "this woman is no good for this kid".
Stop blaming your parents for your decisions. You are 30 not 15 nor 17.
"My mom also has been anonymously communicating with his family, telling them about something I did to them that may get me thrown in jail." If you did something illegal then you will end up with your sorry *** in jail for being a moron. Then, I said it. Normal people don't end up in jail for stupid reasons. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
"She’s telling people that she couldn’t come to me with her feelings, because I don’t listen and I’m confrontational."And? Are you telling me that's not true? Read above what you write and be honest with yourself for once.
"I have filed restraining orders on all of them and forbid them to see my kids. I never want to talk to them again. Am I right?" More power to you, but your parents won't live forever and when you needed it, they were there for you, taking care of your daughter despite not having to do it, FOR FIVE YEARS. You used them but at the moment they aren't dancing at the rhythm you want, you come with "buT tHeY aRe tErribLE" no. Stop right there.
Get yourself in therapy and stop playing victim. You are 30 y o.
- ZLv 56 months ago
No, you are not right. First of all, how you conduct your life is your family's business the moment that they agreed to raise your daughter for you while you tried to get your life together. This means that they have a say in who you decide to date for the purpose of building a life together. Since dating a decent guy who is stable will ensure that they don't have to raise your family for you or take care of your ****.
And if you don't want your mom to go behind your back, you need to improve your communication skills. Not listening and being confrontational is an immature way of interacting with people, and it is not the way to get them to share their true feelings or work out things with you.
From what you described about your life, filing a restraining order against your family is actually doing them a favour. They don't need you but you need them. Now they can have some relief from your all your drama and dysfunctional life. It is obvious that their life will be less stressful and happier without you and your kids in it. Even though your parents seem to care about the welfare of your kids, you cannot use your children to emotionally blackmail them. Because, in the end, your kids are not their problem to worry about. They are your responsibility and how they turn out in life is all on you. Your parents will be too old to care when your kids are busy becoming a problem for you and society, but you will have to be there to clean up their mess. The best decision that you can make for your self and for your future is to put your pride aside and allow your kids to be raised by the people who can do the best job of it.
- Anonymous6 months ago
"About 8 years ago me and my now fiancé got into some trouble; my bf went to prison and I married another guy that I’m no longer with"
One thing is certain: Your husband-to-be was a fool to rekindle the relationship.
- 6 months ago
. If I had to base my right or wrong off this story...YES YOU ARE WRONG be real with yourself
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- Anonymous6 months ago
The fact that you are on here blaming your family for your shitty life tells me that as your mom says, you don’t listen and probably are confrontational. Sounds like you’ve been a total nightmare. And NO you aren’t right. I guess when things fall apart in your life you’ll go back to your family, expecting them to drop everything to bail you out again.