Is it normal for a 21 year old with bipolar to self harm just for attention? What do I do??? Serious answers only please.?
So a little background: my daughter is 21, and has bipolar. In highschool, she was in all honors classes and had plans to be a dr. That all crashed her senior year when she turned 18 and moved in with her boyfriend. When the relationship did not work out, she went into the hospital for the 1st time, cause she wanted to harm herself. This was 2 years ago. Since then, she has been in and out of the hospital 9 times, has been diagnosed with bipolar, and is now on disability because she can't keep a job due to her frequent hospital stays. As a kid, she always liked to feel sorry for herself but that is about it, and like I said she was/is VERY smart and had plans for the future. Now, she is attached at my hip from the time I get off work until I go to bed at night. Im not allowed to do anything without her or else she gets VERY mad. My husband and I are planning a 2 week trip just the 2 of us in Oct. When she heard us talking about it, she went down to the basement, and came back up with her arm covered in blood, handed me a razor and said "you better take this." I took the razor and told her I would have to take her to the hospital if she did it again, and she said "they have plastic knives at the hospital I can cut myself with." At this point, I just walked away in disgust.
Anyway, is this at all normal for someone who self harms? I cut as a teenager, and I did EVERYTHING I could to hide it. The fact that she could only be doing it for attention makes me sick!!! What do I do?!
- justinLv 67 months ago
still she wants someone to be ther for her.
- Anonymous7 months ago
Unfortunately many psychiatrists will intentionally misdiagnose patients with bipolar when they in fact have a personality disorder as not all insurance policies will pay for PD patients to be hospitalised. It sounds as if your daughter has a cluster B personality disorder, most likely borderline personality disorder, which cannot be controlled with medication and makes her potentionally dangerous. Things are only going to get worse as her condition won't 'peak' until she's in her late twenties. You need to start looking at a long term placement for her in a group home and find her a psychiatrist that isn't looking to just push pills to get rich but who will actually diagnose her correctly. The only hope of her condition improving is for her to engage in dialectical behavioural therapy.
- 7 months ago
Part may be trying to get attention, but I am sure that is not the main goal
It is really tough to deal with Bipolar as both ends of it are rough for very different reasons
I know because I am and trying to be "normal" seems like it is something that is literally impossible
I just focus on trying to do better
Try to be sympathetic, but realize that she needs help and how you say something can be equally as important as what you say
- 7 months ago
well, i am in no way a mental health professional, but do keep in mind that she does have a mental illness, which means she's probably not exactly mentally nor emotionally stable. this of course can cause her to act in many ways that she would not if she was not bipolar. it is a possibility that she harms herself for attention, but the real underlying reason is likely the mental illness thing, which is causing her to act in rash ways unlike her. i don't think it will help for you to show anger that she's doing this. i think it would be best for her to have a stay at a rehab or psych ward where they can watch her, give her therapy, and balance out some medication for her until she's stable and no longer harming herself. she seems very self destructive, which is very concerning and should be confronted immediately. so yes, she may be doing it for attention, but do remember that even if she is, it's not really her that's making these decisions, as she's being influenced by an illness. get her some professional help and try to be as understanding as possible.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- 7 months ago
Yes and no. She is sick and needs help. I do think she's manipulating you and hubby. I don't know if you two can afford it but I'd put her in a home for professionals to take care of her. If you two deal with this alone, you will start to get ill as well from stress and other coping mechanisms like drinking, smoking, arguing, etc.. anything that feels like an escape.
I don't pretend to be able to be in your shoes and bless you for having to deal with this. I'm not sure exactly what I'd do if this was my child but what I do know is I'd refused to be manipulated like she's doing to the both of you. Cutting herself to keep you both in check is not right.
Can you try to get her into her own apartment? Try to get her counseling and on better meds? She's old enough to have some control over this. She needs to acknowledge what she has a take better care by learning mechanisms to not cut. I feel like she can get a job even if it's garden work or walking dogs, something where she can rest when she feels its too much and work on days she can, a job where she has freedom over her schedule.
Test the waters and see what she's capable of. This means dealing with tantrums but you're already dealing with heavy stuff with her anyway, why not push her to be more responsible. because what is she going to do when you two are not here any longer to help her out or too old to deal with it?
EDIT: Try to get her a payee. That means someone will take control of her checks and pay her rent, food, etc... and spending money/an allowance so she won't overspend. You can take her to court to have control over her. Then she gets an apartment, Let her know that she absolutely will not be allowed back into the home so she better take care of it. Just some ideas.
- Anonymous7 months ago
"Bi-Polar" is it self NOT normal. So follows the rest.
Write her off as bad juju (walk away in disgust.) Be faithful unto yourself, You don't need to dump the rest of Your Life down the drain.
Back her to max, using all your resources to try to save her from herself.