I struggle with suicidal thoughts and anxiety spirals. I really just need someone to hear me out.?

I lost a scholarship to my dream school. I tried cutting myself once but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel like my life is going nowhere. The world is turning to ****, politically and environmentally. My dog is limping and we can't afford to take him to the vet. And on top of that my dad lost his... show more I lost a scholarship to my dream school. I tried cutting myself once but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel like my life is going nowhere. The world is turning to ****, politically and environmentally. My dog is limping and we can't afford to take him to the vet. And on top of that my dad lost his job. There have been times where I've cried myself to sleep and I'm just lost. One day want to make myself and my parents proud, one day I want to live a better life and be happy, but I feel like I'm running out of time. I try to thing positively but everytime something bad happens I start spiraling and thing of every bad things that's every happened to me. I want to disappear so badly, but I can't as my sisters and parents would be devastated. I feel a little empty inside. Of course there are moment where I feel happy but at the end of the day when the lights go off, I'm reminded of reality and I hate it.
Update: I also cannot talk to anyone my family is just going through so much right now, and my friends are all preparing for college so I don't want to add another weight onto their shoulders
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