Is my abusive marriage impacting on my work life?
I was in a 20yr relationship with a man that was emotionally & physically abusive.
Despite counselling I still find, 4yrs post divorce, that my ‘bucket’ fills fast - the day to day juggle is fine (kids, house, work) but the amount of pressure I can cope with is less. If I feel overwhelmed by the demands I literally drop the ball & spend the day going for a walk at the beach rather than doing the job that needs to be done.
It is damaging my career because the more demanding my job becomes the more I feel inadequate, question my ability.
My work (teacher) responsibilities are huge but my boss is pushing me to take on more but then gets frustrated with me because I don’t get it done (I’ve told her I just want to teach .. nothing “extra”). My boss (lovely & I get on well with her) knows I’m a single mum but doesn’t know anything about the abuse anyway today she literally asked me to “help her understand”.
I love my job. I’m a good teacher but the extra workload of paperwork, policies etc is killing me. There’s just no room left in my bucket.
Should I be honest & upfront & tell her my limitations?
(PLEASE don’t suggest more counselling!)
- i + iLv 76 months agoFavorite Answer
You are basically allowing more abuse
if you do not explain that you are past
the max of what you can handle. It is
up to you if you feel a need to explain
any further and give reason(s) for this.
- FoofaLv 76 months ago
Look into the possibility of working on a flextime schedule or taking a sabbatical if that's available. See what's possible within your employment or union contract for you to get some time off to clear your head and get caught up on your personal life.
- linkus86Lv 76 months ago
Maybe, but it maybe something else completely. I suggest this because apparently you could handle everything well for 20 years without thinking your career suffered. One thing I have noticed as I age is that I am more susceptible to stress and anxiety the older I became. I confessed this added stress I was feeling and he told me how common it was and prescribed me a very low dose of Xanax which has become a complete game changer. Everything is much easier to deal with. Just a suggestion.
- Anonymous6 months ago
"Should I be honest & upfront & tell her my limitations? "
Nobody can answer this for you, because it depends on many factors. How long have you worked there? Is your supervisor partly a friend, or is this purely school related? Also, if you tell her your limitations, I take it this means you want to tell her about the abuse? Finally, parts of this read like you want to eliminate the things in your job you don't like. Is that true?
I've been a manager most of my career, with several promotions along the way. I can tell you how I'd react, but that doesn't mean she'd be the same way. My reaction would not be favorable.
There's one thing that might change my mind, though. You say not to mention counseling, but clearly you are nowhere near recovered from that abuse. It's very upfront in your mind and now you want to use it as a reason to avoid things your boss wants you to do. It sucks that your 1st go around with a counselor wasn't helpful, but sadly not all counselors are good. Anyway, I point this out because if I liked you as an employee, and you were doing something (counseling) to address the situation, I would be a lot more sympathetic.
Again, though, this is just me.