I'm 31 and single. Is there something wrong?

I'm really embarrassed to talk about this but it's a worry.

I'm a 31 year old female who still lives with my parents and 29 year old sister. I am currently single and had never been married. I never lived independently except for a few months stay in a mental hospital.

I am currently studying and have had a few jobs but the pay wasn't enough to afford living independently.

So the real deal is: I'm 31 and unmarried. I didn't think about in my 20s but now I am, and getting upset and frustrated.

I am bisexual, so don't mind if I go with a guy or girl. But I've tried everything I could to socialise. I go to night sicial events at uni, I'm part of a student journalism club and have met a lot of people.

In a way, I don't care about being unmarried but I feel the society pressure. I don't know what I can do.

I live in Australia, a country that is in itself isolated and not exposed to different cultures (aka Aussies don't seem to care about much) whereas I am hyperambitious and relate more to North Americans and feel my place is there.

8 Answers

  • 5 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    There is nothing wrong with you :) As someone else has said, a lot of people get married later nowadays. And the only thing that matters is whether you are happy or not. It sounds that you aren't happy, but it's important to remember that getting married or into a relationship isn't necessarily going to remedy that. If the root of your unhappiness is insecurity in your ability to make friends or be independent, then it's your confidence and self worth that needs attention, not focussing on trying to find a husband or wife. The higher your self value, the better quality relationship/marriage you will end up in. We often find that the bad choices in selecting a partner comes from when we enter into a relationship because we are anxious about not being single. Focus on yourself, because there's only one person who can make you happy - and that's YOU.

  • 5 months ago

    No there is nothing wrong with you.

    Just live as good as you can.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    There’s only something wrong if you want to be married.

    But you have told us you “don’t care about being unmarried”.

    So there’s nothing wrong.

    What’s making you feel upset is that you feel you don’t fit in with the wider society.

    But it’s not your job to live out their values in your life. They can do that in their lives. They’re not trying to live your values.

    So don’t worry about them.

  • Marla
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    It ‘s hard to give you a perfect answer here because of the limited information YOU can give us.

    Fact is that establishing a long-term relationship is hard nowadays in western societies, not to mention marriage. Marriage takes effort. It used to be a survival strategy when male and female roles were clearly established and you needed a wife or a husband to survive. Many young adults in your situation are in a limbo, stuck between the comfort zone of having your parents to fall back on, not being able to afford living independently with the lifestyle we are supposed to have (we all live lavishly compared to say a century ago), and the fact that now everybody is super-choosy about potential partners (every one nowadays looks for the “perfect ” partner and we ignore the “good” ones all around us.

    You seem to want marriage. You may need to look at aspects that make you attractive. If you are too edgy in fashion or style, you may restrict your suitors. Being bi actually doubles your pool

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Don't force things. Let things flow

  • 5 months ago

    I got married at 36. I think is getting hard to find people whom wants to settle down in a relationship. Living with your parents? I don’t blame you, is hard to afford an apartment as a single person, most of my adult life I have share a place with roommates. You may want to give some spice to your life by adventure in renting a room in someone’s house and learn how to be independent. And be patient about relationships, you don’t want to push yourself into a unhealthy relationship for fear to be single, I dated a loser for the same reason a few years ago and end up really bad.

  • 5 months ago

    I think the average age of marriage in Australia is actually around 30 or 31, so no - there is not something wrong with you :)

    It sounds like your confidence is a little low because you haven't yet lived independently, so that might be something to explore. There are some more moderately priced rents if you are willing to share and make sacrifices, and even if it is more difficult than living with your parents, you might find that the benefit of feeling independent and more confident might be worth it.

    You are doing the right things to meet people and socialise, and sometimes the social groups are actually a good place to start. They might seem cheesy, but they exist solely to help people meet, build connections and be social, so I suggest looking at local social clubs in your area that take groups out for drinks or activities.

    Try not to worry so much about societal pressure either. Stay confident in telling people that you are not going to get married just because you feel you should, only to end up another unhappy statistic in a broken marriage. You are at university and have a lot to offer someone, I think you are doing fine and just need to be more confident that you are worthy. Good luck

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    ''Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.'' -- Henry Van Dyke

    Stop being afraid of the world and failure. You're wasting your life away by not living it. Chase something in life you think is worth chasing - a dream; a career; a travel bucket list; a social or political cause whatever. When you do that with no holds barred without looking for a relationship is exactly when one will find you.

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