How do you deal with band members as a singer?

So much goes into this and the backstory that I don’t think I’ll be able to fit on here, but it’s nice to hear what experiences singers have to go through with their band mates. I’m not trying to separate the two, because I see your main band mates as a team, but have you ever been in a band where they made you feel like the outcast?

I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m dealing with a lot of emotions in a band and it’s no longer feeling like it’s about the music which makes me a little wanting to leave. They all rush me when I say we need to take our time musically to put out great work. They want to make hits and ready to play off of just one practice. They already want to book shows and this is only like my fourth time practicing with them. I’m feeling rushed with them and it’s unfortunate because I see so much potential there but they don’t want to take time to practice. They want to practice a week before a show, play for a couple hours and act like “ yep. We have a hit.” And I just feel like that’s not realistic. What do I do?

4 Answers

  • WUWR
    Lv 6
    12 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like a tough dynamic. I was a singer in a couple of bands and played in a few others and I didn't encounter that situation, but I will say that I have been the singer in a position where I felt really uncomfortable and it was a pretty miserable experience. I mean, if it's a disaster you're kind of the defacto "band leader" by perception whether it's true or not. They don't call singers "front men" for nothing. We were all on board, but in my younger days we played a party or two that we weren't ready for and it kind of sucked. I mean, the crowd was nice and all (parties are a great atmosphere to "get your footing" because people aren't there for a show they're there for the party and the attitude is generally much, much more forgiving), but it just wasn't any fun and it was way more stressful than it needed to be.

    It sounds like you're outvoted on this and they're not really going to give to your concerns so you have a choice. I don't know if these are your good friends or if this is just a thing of people coming together to make music who don't really hang out otherwise, but on one hand you can bow out. If they are your friends, hopefully they can understand that you just aren't on the same page and respect it. Even if you don't really know them, same thing. On the other hand you can stay and do the best you can and try to get some good experience out of it that can be taken with you to whatever you do in the future, and just ride what could be a pretty fun wave with the right perspective. Or maybe this band will come together over it and make adjustments depending on whether it works or not. Sometimes a disaster show that you realize that you just weren't ready for is a really good wake up call. Either way I would say that you gotta do you, whatever that adds up to. They've got to do them too and if they're dead set on playing when they may not be ready that's for them to decide, but you've got to decide what is more important to you and what way makes you happier. You can plead your case again, but it sounds like you've done a lot of that so really it just comes down to a choice. There are pluses and minuses on both sides. What do YOU want to do?

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  • 12 months ago

    I get your point of view but I write all the lyrics and sing them. We’ve been playing songs I write.

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  • 12 months ago

    There's plenty of examples of singers in the same situation you've been in who went on to overcome it and their bands and the music grew as a result.

    Read up on the singer Scott Stapp, from the band Creed.

    • Amanda12 months agoReport

      I’m going to read this. Thank you!

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  • Andrew
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    You shouldn't trouble yourself over it as it's likely they'll have a new singer very soon. And in all honesty, you're not happy playing with them anyway. I don't know who's supposedly writing the material, but if had been you, you'd likely have said so. And if you've only stood in with them 4 times, you're not really a full fledged member anyway. You don't want to do things the way they do them. They don't think you're a good fit either. It's not about potential. If you don't share the same vision, potential doesn't matter. Find another band. Get involved with people who are on your wavelength. These people aren't. And you're just a singer. If you're not writing the songs and arranging them, you're not indispensable to the band. Most musicians who make it big have played in a great many bands before finally achieving some level of recognition and success. Don't tether yourself to people who you don't see a strong partnership with right now, never mind a year from now.

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