Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 months ago

Should I ask him for permission? Would it be wrong?

I like my friends ex-girlfriend and I’m not sure what would happen if I pursued her. This is one of my childhood friends and he went out with her for over 3 years. We both met her at the same time and he ended up with her. For 3 years I didn’t think about her or even talk to her. It’s been almost a year and we’re both single. We’ve been hanging out and talking non-stop and she’s going with me to one of my work friends wedding. I feel like she’s waiting for me to make a move and I’m conflicted on what to do. Her ex is my friend, but I’ve know her as long as he has and I’m terrified of missing my chance like I did 3 years ago. I’m almost 25 and don’t want to miss my chance, but I also don’t want to lose him. Is this wrong? Should I ask him for permission?

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    First, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. It's not like they broke up 2 days ago, and you had your way with her on the pool table in a bar!

    However, don't ask him for permission. That doesn't sound right, especially when you're handling this very well. Besides, what if he says no? Instead, tell him that you've been wanting to ask her out for awhile, but you wanted to be sure their relationship was truly over. Now that it is, you're going to ask her out, and you just wanted to give him a heads up.

    See the difference in this approach? Also, you want to talk to him before this wedding. Weddings have a way of creating romance quickly! If you don't tell him before then, your convo might be a little more awkward, because you aren't giving him a heads up.

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  • 6 months ago

    Permission? No. But talking to him about it BEFORE he hears it from someone else is a good idea if you want to maintain the friendship.

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  • 6 months ago

    Bro code. If you and him hang out you need to ask him or you could slowly start being seen with her or mention that your going to go see her and see how he acts

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  • Ana
    Lv 6
    6 months ago

    Deep down she’s only doing this to piss her ex off. Don’t allow her to use you as revenge. She’s trying to inflict pain on her ex boyfriend and is using you as bait for that.

    Yes I’m sure sex with her would be fantastic but you absolutely shouldn’t date her. If anything, only have sex with her once or twice and make sure nothing about you two together is ever put on Facebook or told to anyone

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  • Z
    Lv 5
    6 months ago

    You don't need to ASK for his permission, but you need to let him know mano a mano. It's the decent thing to do. Just because he dated a girl doesn't mean that she's off-limits to all other guys who know him. If religion and the law permits one to marry his brother's ex-wife (whether the brother is alive or dead), then certainly there is nothing wrong with dating a girl your friend once dated. So, you don't have to feel as if you're doing anything wrong. If you had to first seek his consent, then you are devaluing the girl by treating her like a property which requires the consent of its owner before another can make use of it. But this is not the case, so that is why it is inappropriate for you to ask for his permission. But it is also not honourable to be sneaking behind your friend's back, or to surprise him by the fact that you're dating his ex. So, the proper thing to do is to let him know that you and this girl have been getting along lately and you want to ask her out, you just wanted him to hear it from you first since you're friends and he has a past with her. Do not make it sound like you're asking him for permission, because if you do then you are giving him the power to say NO. And I don't think that would stop you anyway (and if it does, then you're a pussy and never deserved her anyway). You are simply INFORMING him out of respect, and not out of obligation. If he doesn't seem too pleased about it, that's none of your business, it's his ego problem he needs to resolve (you know, the "if I can't have her no one should" kinda thing). If he still loves her, that's also none of your business. (If there was any real love between them, they'd still be together). All that matters is this: if he reacts negatively about it, you shouldn't hold him in such high esteem afterward, because what you need are friends who are mature and decent enough to know what is right and what is simply selfishness.

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  • 6 months ago

    No it's not wrong. It's understandable that you don't want to 'tread on his toes' because he's your friend. She's been his ex for over a year now and you are both of an age to become partners if you wish (all's fair in love and war) so you can basically do as you please and technically you don't have to ask anyone's permission. Hopefully your mate isn't pining for her and hoping to get back with her. You could mention to him that you and she have been talking quite a bit recently and you are thinking of asking her out on a date. You can then ask him what he reckons. It's not actually asking permission (which you don't need) but if you do go out with her, it won't come as a big shock to him.

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