Would you stay married to a wife who refuses to manage or cope with her stress and delegates all the things that stresses her out to you?

I should've asked this question years ago. I think I have way better tolerance than most people on this site. But tolerance doesn't mean that I'm smarter; clearly if she stresses me out because she's stressed then that's a problem that should be dealt with (taking advice on how to deal with it since that is the root of all my problems).

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    If someone is mentally ill with anxiety and refuses treatment you're entitled to leave if you don't have any minor children in the home. If you do have kids you have to work a little harder to get her into treatment. If the condition is life threatening (and not just mere inconvenience to you) you may have to see a lawyer about getting a conservatorship over your spouse so you can force her into treatment.

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  • 6 months ago

    No. I would NOT stay married to someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own life. I would not stay married to someone who abandoned their parental responsibilities, their partner responsibilities, etc. I would NOT stay married to someone who uses me as their driver, maid, cook, etc.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    I convinced my wife went to go to marriage counseling and she hated it so much she said she felt like a victim in there and than I thought maybe she needs a vacation so booked a trip for us to go on a cruise for 5 days to Western Caribbean from Miami FL. She had fun but her stress interfered. I did everything I could to make her happy even sat down quiet for hours waiting for her to talk to me about it. Months later I she accidentally left her email on the page on our computer and I saw back and fourth emails to another man. In her emails to him said she felt stressed because she wishes she were with him and she felt stuck because she doesn’t know how to break my heart when I’ve went out of my way to cheer her up and make her happy and she said she felt stuck. I gifted her with divorce papers after I read those emails and never did confront her about it. You can try marriage counseling and a vacation to see if it helps and if nothing works don’t get dragged down. Divorce instead

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  • 6 months ago

    There's a balance when you're dealing with a partnership/long term relationship. Yes, absolutely, there's an expectation of independence and individual stress management. Just like there's an expectation, for most people, that their partner contributes to household chores, bringing in income, etc. Everyone has to pull their weight in every relationship, lest one person feel overwhelmed or burdened.

    On the other hand, being in a long term relationship also means that you're a team. If one person is incredibly overwhelmed, it's understandable that they'd lean on their partner. That's your person. Who else would you lean on?

    If one person is leaning too much in an otherwise healthy relationship, I don't think the answer is to throw in the towel. There have been TONS of times in our relationship where both my husband and I have been guilty of that. It's a really natural thing that can happen. We talked about it, we made a plan, and we moved on. Those plans have included the leaner (and sometimes the person being leaned on) getting some much needed counseling. It's included reaching out to other friends, family members, and colleagues. It's included seeking out stress management tools to make our lives run efficiently and help us minimize stress. There are a lot of options if you and your wife are willing to work on it.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    you have let this drag you down the rocky road too long

    how old are the kids? start planning a exit strategy

    ----

    as for stress

    women do not get the idea stress is something en deal with different they talk about it to feel better , we solve the problem ,, which can mean move on - let it be

    my wife's job was killing her so I told her retire we are ok

    all she could think of was more pension money

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    I'm assuming you want an honest answer. No. Her stress would stress me out.

    Life is complicated enough without carrying a partner on my shoulders.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Have the two of you tried marriage counseling?ou've probably heard the old saying about how people take things out on those closest to them. We often use that as an excuse when we take our partner's feelings for granted. This is exactly what your wife is doing now. If she's frustrated or disheartened by something that is going on in her life, she turns to you to vent her feelings. Unfortunately, in most cases, you're not the cause of her negativity yet you are forced to bear the brunt of it. In order to stop her from doing this, you have to guide her towards dealing with those issues in a more productive and less detrimental way.

    If you take an interest in helping your wife to better balance the things that are causing her stressful outbursts, you'll be doing your marriage a huge favor. You'll also be demonstrating to your wife that she can always rely on you. You want to be her hero, so show her that you can look past the pettiness of her frustrated moods by helping her find her inner emotional balance again.

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  • K8
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    It would be hard if my husband were not my equal partner. We work together to get through the stressful things.

    I will say that I do the things he does not like and he does the things he knows I don't like. But we do that willingly and it's not expected.

    Your wife possibly needs counseling and maybe a good marriage counselor could help you both become better at communicating and working together.

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  • 6 months ago

    Relationships are all about communication and it is clear that there isn't much communication between you two. Yes people do have bad days and take their stresses out on people, that's life, but if it's happening all the time and your wife isn't acknowledging her behaviour or apologising, then it's a problem.

    Life is full of stresses. Perhaps she's taking her stress out on you because she wants you to help her and support her. Is there anything that you could do to help her i.e. if she's stressed about looking after kids and work, perhaps you could help out more with the kids and listen her out about her work stresses. Perhaps you don't listen to her enough.

    However as you don't mention the nature of the stress, it is difficult to assess the situation. There are some people who are stressers by nature and thrive off stress or just take all of their problems out on everybody else. This isn't healthy and pushes people away. However what you both need to do is talk to each other; not shout or argue, but choose a calm and relaxing environment to talk about things i.e. over a nice romantic dinner.

    You shouldn't give up on a relationship so easily. Obviously things can't have been stressful at one point if you wanted to marry her so you've got to figure out what the cause of the stress is and work on it.

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