Am i some crazy sociopath?

Okay so. I have been fine these last couple of months but before that i got baker acted 5 times over the corse of like 2 months. I was in a bad environment but to be honest i didnt ..care. Like it hurt me but didnt phase me enough to hurt animals because i was MAD but i still killed animals because it was like an... show more Okay so. I have been fine these last couple of months but before that i got baker acted 5 times over the corse of like 2 months. I was in a bad environment but to be honest i didnt ..care. Like it hurt me but didnt phase me enough to hurt animals because i was MAD but i still killed animals because it was like an addiction. I didnt feel ANYTHING i didnt even make facial expressions when i killed them but i still killed a couple fish with the freezer and pulling them apart and dissected a guinea pig and drowned another one and planned to kill this one bird duck and dog but i ended up not having a right time. Anyway, i was real bad i was planning a school shooting ansmd tried to poison certain people with lethal amounts of stuff but it didnt work. They diagnosed me with ASPD (i just turned 18) but the thing is, im empathetic now im better! But recently images of dead bodies and stuff have started to pop into my head again. And i LIKE it it gives me tingles and i feel .. Happy? About it ? I THINK? i dont know how i feel. How can i have empathy but look up pics of dead things and enjoy killing things. The thing is i dont even enjoy killing but im ADDICTED to it. Am i just INSANE? i also cant look in the mirror because i hallucinate myself all messed up like two different eye sizes and my face warps like my eyebrows come off and my eyes grow farther away from eachother. Im this messed up person and im going to be starting college and i dont want to do anything to anyone, or do i??
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