Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 5 months ago

My wife and I havent made love since we found out she's pregnant. I tried to talk to her about it but she refuses me?

I don't want to force her, but she's really not taking care of me. I decided not to do sexual activity since we found out about the pregnancy. I stood by her and loved her like I have always did. Our son is now 6 months old and still she doesn't want to do anything. One day I tried to fondle her breasts while we were on the bed, our baby was sleeping. She told me to stop so I stopped it. I asked why and she told me that our baby was in the room so it was wrong to do such things. I tried to point out that he was asleep and that we did nothing wrong, as this is the way he was conceived. She told me I was immature and selfish and I just couldn't believe she was being so mean to me. We loved each other and we are still young (she's 22, I am 25). I've been waiting for her for 9+6 months. It's more than a year. I'm starting to think that she doesn't love me anymore. Am I wrong for wanting her? Why does her answers make me feel dirty and a bad man and father? What should O do? Please help. I'm feeling really low.

Update:

I didnt mean force.... I wrote it wrong, I meant pressure or convince her... I am not that kind of person. I love her. I just want to understand what's wrong with us

8 Answers

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  • Marla
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Well, you have to tell her it's time for a serious conversation, and sit down with no distractions and discuss this.

    You need to tell her you have sexual needs and that it is expected that in a committed relationship, both spouses will strive to keep the other satisfied. Ask her point blank if she still loves you, and if she still feels sexually attracted to you. Ask her if SHE has a problem with how she sees herself.

    If she is unwilling, you may need to start considering whether this is something that may end the relationship. She may be immature, or think that now that you are a father, all you are good for is to bring money and care for her. If she is that selfish, plan on divorcing.

  • Merry
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Your concerns are valid.

    Post pregnancy body images or hormonal changes. Tiredness, breast feeding - these may influence levels of intimacy but typically don’t negate it all together.

    Speak with your wife & let her know you love her, appreciate her as a wife & mother and tell her you miss the closeness you use to share - ask her if there is anything you can do & let her know it concerns you.

    If she refuses to discuss it then make an appointment to see a doctor &/or consider marriage counselling.

    Intimacy is an important part of any marriage.

    Having a baby, breast feeding etc might alter things a bit ... but 15+ months of nothing is not a little thing - you are right to be concerned & it is something important to address with your wife, your doctor & possibly a counsellor. Good luck

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    You grab your wife's breasts out of nowhere and then wonder why she didn't want to have sex right then? Wow. You sure do suck at foreplay. Keep that up and she'll be so resentful of being sexually harassed in her own home that she'll never want sex with you again.

    Maybe you should do the adult thing and try talking to her about it... for real. As in, not phrasing as "Why don't you even want to have sex with my anymore?" like the problem is entirely her fault. Because it isn't. Ask her what *you* could do to make her feel more cherished, valued, desired, and desirable. Although it's possible that she just has no sex drive because she's tired and breastfeeding and none of that will change until baby is weaned and sleeping through the night, having a baby tends to expose and amplify other relationship problems that may have been ignored before, so there could be a whoooole lot more going on than her just being tired. You won't find out if you don't ask, and are willing to hear things you might not want to hear.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Fifteen months is a pretty long time to go without sex, especially for guys. Your wife really needs to see her doctor, and possibly a therapist, so she can find out why she's suddenly so avoidant of sex. And being tired from taking care of the baby isn't really a valid excuse, not when your son is already 6 months old. He's going to be old enough to be weaned before much longer, and she won't be nursing at all after that.There's obviously something else going on here. What, I am not sure. But your wife needs to get herself examined and treated, or this will destroy your marriage.

    • Pippin
      Lv 7
      5 months agoReport

      Yes, it's common to wean early. But the standard recommendation is to nurse for at least a year. (And, of course, women can and do have sex while nursing.)

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  • 5 months ago

    She is knackered looking after baby etc and feels her body will never be the same but could also have post natal depression and needs to speak to the doctor about being sexless. Things do change after baby is born as you do get tired and sex wont be as often as it was but it doesn't stop completely. Speak to wife and explain how you love her but why does she not want you near her, she will tell you she doesn't want to talk about it but be kind to her and tell her you understand but baby being in the room wont make any difference, Good Luck

  • 5 months ago

    time to be celibate or divorce her

  • Pippin
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    "I don't want to force her." So you are even CONSIDERING raping your wife? A woman you claim to love?

    So -- 'you' decided to not have sex for 9 months when she was pregnant. Now SHE has decided to not have sex for 6 months when she is post-partum. You thnk YOUR decision was fine, but HERS is not? It was ok to deprive HER of sex for 9 months when she may well have wanted it. But now that is probably exhausted, 'touched out' from nursing the baby, etc., you have decided that your needs come first.

    Hmmm...

    I think couple's counseling would not be amiss here.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Maybe she just being insecure about her after pregnancy body it’s could be a reason probably not but it’s just a guess:)

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