How to reject a love confession?
My best friend just confessed that she loves me and has loved me for years (I suspected it for a while, but I didn't want to make any assumptions). She's a wonderful person, but I don't feel any romantic feelings towards her and I'm not gay.
She got advice from some of her other friends who said that if I really were her best friend, that I would understand and that I may even accept her feelings, regardless of her gender.
Now, some of them are even pushing me to date her or saying stuff like how we would make a cute couple or that they support us in everything, despite the fact that we aren't dating. It started off as just playful banter or encouragement, but now it feels like they're trying to pressure me into saying yes. One even said that I should just go for it because I don't even know if I don't like girls because I've never been with one before.
I don't know how to tell her that I don't love her and I'm sure I never will. I don't want to destroy our friendship, but they've built her hopes up so high at this point that I'm just bound to break her heart.
- boardingaceLv 45 months agoFavorite Answer
I think that your friend who is pressuring you to date her or "go for it" is ridiculous; it just seems like her advice is not only bad, but so beyond the realm of what is her business - it's actually controlling, besides being very weird. I would tell that friend that it's getting creepy that she's asking you to date someone that you're not remotely attracted to, since you have already said no. Any reasonable friend with boundaries would only go so far as to ask you, "What do you think? Do you like her back?" and that is literally all that they should be saying. As to the other friends possibly building up her hopes, that is okay (and you can't control that at all, no matter what you do).
This is part of life, realizing that you don't get everything you want, and she will definitely learn that she'll be okay. Re: "I don't know how to tell her that I don't love her and I'm sure I never will," just tell her that. You can start with "I love you, but not in that way, not at all, I don't feel any attraction for you, and you deserve to be with someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you. I only see you as a friend, and I totally accept you and your feelings, but I can't obviously reciprocate them." As to your friend having her heart broken, I've never met a single person on the planet who hasn't had their heart broken; it's part of being human and trying to find "our person", and your friend will definitely find love in the future. Just not with you! I'm sorry you're having to deal with such clueless friends at the same time as worrying about your best friend, but sometimes people are just clueless (myself included!). Good luck!
- JuanaLv 45 months ago
I think you should just tell her you're not into girls. Plain and simple. I know it's harder to say than it is to do, but think how much harder it would be to break it off if they did talk you into "trying" to date another girl and you're already in it some time. No foul here, just your honest opinions.
- - Mé -Lv 75 months ago
Your friends aren't your friends. A good friend wouldn't encourage someone else to step on your boundaries.
Be kind but be firm. "
Friend, I'm flattered by your feelings but i don't have any romantic feelings towards you. I'm your friend and I hope in the name of our friendship you respect this"
If they keep pushing... cut them out of your life. Honestly. Same w your best friend. Probably she will need to get distance to get over her own feelings.
Not your fault.