Dealing with violent sibling?
I am going to make this as brief as possible. My younger brother (he's 14 im 18) is verbally abusive to my family and physically abusive to me. I am much stronger then he is and i can easily block and take most his attacks. The real problem is that my parents don't want me to hurt him at all, even in self defense. Whenever he attacks me i am expected to suck it up and move on, which is mentally and physically VERY hard for me to do. I believe that if he is allowed to do whatever he wants without punishment he will be a brat for the rest of his life and probably piss off the wrong people. I think my parents (bless them) just don't want him getting hurt, but don't understand that in the real world the things he says and does are going to get him in serious trouble. Talking to him doesn't work, that is what i have been doing the past 2 years and he is irrational to the point that if you say something he doesn't like he will simply scream until you leave. He also has screamed the few times i have fought back, which gets my parents attention and creates a **** show. I don't know what to do, im sure I've left out some crucial details so please ask questions in the comments. Any suggestions are appreciated.
- JaneLv 75 months ago
From your brief description it's hard to say, however he may very well have a condition such as ADHD, or something on the autism spectrum. Eg, if you notice that he can't seem to regulate his behaviour and that his reactions to certain situations seems extreme ( like way over the top), he really struggles to form friendships, can't handle change, can't talk about his feelings or explain why he reacts this way etc, etc ( the list of symptoms for these conditions is quite long and it would really take an expert in this field to give a definite answer!). People with these conditions are often left un-diagnosed and therefore given no help, and because their behaviour can be so challenging they are often judged harshly and end up, as you say, getting into big trouble.
May I suggest that your family finds out more about this, I'm not saying it's the answer but clearly his behaviour is not acceptable and he needs to find a way to manage himself better. There's lots of info online about autism and ADHD, maybe take a look and see if any of it looks familiar- thinking back from what you remember about him as a child too.
One more thing- if his character has changed recently, like he was fine before- then it is likely that something has happened to cause this, that he can't explain easily and is hard for him to talk about. For example, when my daughter was this age, she suddenly started lashing out at me, going between very withdrawn and not talking to screaming abuse, hitting out and smashing things like her laptop. It took me ages to get out of her that she was being badly bullied at school ( physically and emotionally), once she told me we were able to sort it out with her school and gradually she recovered and got back to her normal self.
- shamanLv 45 months ago
Nothing wrong with defending yourself and or causing your little brother a bit of pain in the process. Pressure points and take downs to make him tap out. In the end it will benefit him because one day he will do this BS to the wrong person and they will end up busting him up pretty bad. Part of the problem with these new generations is they some how believe they can do and say what ever they want to whom ever they want and there will never be repercussions to their actions or words.
- heart o' goldLv 75 months ago
Telotaxis is exactly right in saying to not interact with him.
I'm not sure what all the documenting is about unless you intend to take legal action.
I suggest you read up on toxic people, toxic families first and then also perhaps personality disorders, although what you brother is doing sounds more like a mental health issue than a personality disorder.
I also suggest you start planning your exit from this household. It is extremely toxic and abusive and your parents don't seem to be interceding on the abuse. Don't look to law enforcement for much help until he actually REALLY hurts someone, they will not get involved until someone is hurt, and even then, aren't going to do much if your parents aren't on board.
Sounds to me like it is time for you to try to get your own place.
- Anonymous5 months ago
thats the block the cops are all ways coming to on the weekends
why everyone is at home all at once thats not good
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- 5 months ago
my younger sister dealt with me by getting her boyfriends to straighten me out.
- 5 months ago
Is he mentally retarded? Or autistic or something?? Bc if not i hope he pisses of the wrong person and gets his *** humbled.. sounds like he needs someone to beat his ***.. that should change his attitude.. and if that were my brother, he'd get his *** beat for thinking he can abuse me.. and when he mouthed off to my parents in front of me, he'd get his mouth popped.. -_- ..i dnt tolerate abusive ppl.
- 5 months ago
Next time he attacks you fight back even when your parents come, just not hard enough to leave a bruise, and threaten to call the cops on them.
- 5 months ago
He sounds really angry, and as though he is longing for some attention from his parents.
I m sorry you ve been put in this situation. Both your safety is at risk, and the people who should be creating a safe home, your parents, have decided that s not their job. There s nothing there to bless them for, if you ll excuse me, unless they are disabled and incapable of parenting due to that.
My suggestion, believe it or not, is to get very clear with yourself about how you feel about this. You must acknowledge the feelings that arise in you. Your brother is not your parental responsibility. Being who you want to be in the world is.
If it is possible to move out, I would consider it. Then your brother won t have you to take his anger out on, and your parents won t be able to make it your problem. Given his age, perhaps with you gone they will start taking some action to actually parent him. Also, if you are gone, you can dictate the terms of your relationship with him. If he wants a relationship, he will need to ... well, you get to decide. With you at home, he can dictate the terms.
Good luck. Take good care of yourself.
- Anonymous5 months ago
You can always call the police after you move out
- Pearl LLv 75 months ago
call the police on hirn if hes violent or rnove out so you dont have to be around hirn