Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 7 months ago

Do we have to give a big gift/$ as a wedding guest? We’re not trying to be cheap but we’re really going out of my way here.?

In HS and college i was always with my SO and the big group of male friends we both shared together. They all have stated on multiple occasions that I am “the mom of the group” and like a little sister to them all. Anyways he is having my SO and all of our original group of male friends stand up on his side along with the brides male siblings. 20 bridesmaids/groomsman. However I did not get asked to stand up. i’m not offended or anything b/c me and his bride are semi close but not the best of friends. I did get invitations for all the bridal party/ bridal shower events that have occurred but I didn’t go. 1 b/c flights are super expensive and 2 b/c i’m not standing up at the wedding so I didn’t feel a real need to go. If I was asked to stand up I would have atleast made it to 1 of the events. Now he’s where the tricky part lies. We had planned to move back home the weekend of the wedding in september but now we have to fly there for the wedding, stay at a hotel, fly back here and start driving back that way, which is a 30+ hr drive. The inconvenience of it all is worth it b/c we want to be there on his special day but i’m just wondering with all of the commotion involved for us what kind of gift are they expecting? Also keep in mind that they both all that we are doing to make it there for them. To top it all off when we get back they want us to move into a house with them, which i kindly declined. So that adds to the confusion of the whole thing.

12 Answers

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  • 7 months ago

    Just got a toaster 😁

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    Just give what you can afford and nothing more. Rational brides and grooms understand that when people travel for a wedding they've already spent a bunch of money before they even get to the event.

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    I always give money, depending on where the reception is. I had it in the a sky view ballroom at probably the most expensive (only one that could fit the guests) hotels in the city, like $50/plate. If i was attending an expensive wedding like mine i would give $50/person in my group attending. Like if it was be and my wife and baby, $150. Just seems like a normal thing, at least pay for the meal

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  • 7 months ago

    Good news! You are complicating this to the point of extinction. There isn't one thing you mentioned that has anything to do with the size of the gift you give. This is based on what you can comfortably afford. That's it.

    You don't even want to include that trouble you're going through to be at the wedding. You mentioned this a couple of times, and like they say, an invite isn't a summons. You're going to the wedding because you want to.

    If $50 is all you can easily give, give it. If it's less than that, same applies. The only thing you're required to give at a wedding is a congratulatory card. Everything else is your decision.

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  • 7 months ago

    First, there is no requirement for any gift of any value when you attend a wedding. The gift is not payment-in-kind for the per person cost fo the reception. Secondly, what it costs you to attend or whether or not you are a guest or a member of the bridal party is not the issue -- really -- although this seems to be a bone on contention for you.

    The only consideration in giving a gift is what you feel comfortable spending based on your financial situation and how close you are to the bride and or groom. If you are all just out of college, struggling with loan debt, and not making much money, you shouldn't spend a loan payment on a gift. If you are financially comfortable and either member of the couple is a dear and long-time friend, you'd want to spend more.

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  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    Well, its not but it usually is a bit expensive. If I were you I would find an excuse not to go

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  • 7 months ago

    Gifts are entirely optional. Attendance is entirely optional.

    Give whatever you want and can afford - there's no amount required (ignore the 'pay for your plate' brigade)

    If you can't make it because you're moving; you don't have to (nor do you need to make excuses). You just RSVP 'no' and move on.

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  • 7 months ago

    I wouldn't go to the wedding. That's way too much expense during a move. You could write to the bride and groom and ask if you can meet them for drinks after you're settled to celebrate their marriage.... and give a gift at that time if you want.

    I find it odd that a married couple would want roommates, too. I would have declined too

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  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    It would be rude of them to "expect" gifts and even more rude of them to judge the importance of the friendship by the value of the gift.

    That being said, maybe they ARE rude, in which case you can do whatever you want. You can give them no gift at all or you can give them a lavish gift so they don't think you're cheap.

    Hopefully they are not rude and hopefully you give whatever you think is appropriate and comfortable for your budget and hopefully they will love it and cherish it for the next 50 years no matter how much it cost.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    No, gifts are optional entirely and you gift what you are comfortable with and can realistically afford to give.

    In general due to the costs associated with being part of a bridal party, your bridal party is typically the least likely to give you an expensive gift or a gift of a high monetary value.

    IMO 20 attendants each is quite excessive.

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