Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 months ago

How to compromise with husband who’s unwilling to compromise?

Ever since I met my husband he and his family every summer took trips to this camp ground an hour from his home in the middle of nowhere for a week vacation. He’s been going every year for the past 43 years. I hate camping and we compromised and he’s been taking our 3 kids every year for that week camping with his family while I stayed home and worked that week. Our kids are now 11, 8, and 6 and they all complained last year that they hate it and don’t want to go back this year and are all bored. My daughter happens to have a baseball tournament this week (the week he & his family are going camping) he’s known about her tournament for MONTHS and refused to change the dates of his vacation because he and his family go the exact same week every year and that’s tradition. Now my daughter is very upset because her dad will not be coming to her baseball tournament in Kentucky. What should I do? I’m really hurt he’s choosing his family/tradition over his kids. Any advice? How do I compromise or what can I do?

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  • 6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Tell her the family is well represented by you accompanying her.

    Make this a "girl's power" thing that Mom and daughter are doing together and go have a fabulous time! The "compromise" is that Dad isn't a bad guy, he isn't a bad father, and he isn't being unreasonable. How's that!

    Neither you nor your daughter nor your other kids are supporting Dad in his family tradition. Why need he give you more support than you give him? This is a unwise battle to pursue. Just don't. Be Mom the ever strong and fun companion and have this adventure with your daughter.

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  • Ana
    Lv 6
    6 months ago

    Stop trying to get in the way of his tradition. Take her to her baseball tournament, and let him do his tradition with the family.

    If you didn’t want there to be a conflict then you should have scheduled her for a baseball tournament that takes place the EXACT same week as his camping trip always is. It sounds like you’re just purposely trying to screw up the camping because you don’t like it, honestly.

    I get that you don’t like camping, but a lot of people do. I think it’s awesome. And even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t tell my spouse what hobbies they’re allowed to like.

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  • 6 months ago

    Hire a divorce attorney. You would be surprised how easy it become to compromise

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  • 6 months ago

    You go with your daughter to support her during her tournament and hope that she doesn't hold grudges against her father.

    The situation sucks but it's clear your husband is not willing to compromise so stop trying to change that.

    I understand you are hurt but you can think at it like this: he goes to this trip since he can remember and for him it's important, parents are aging, relatives might be passing somewhat soon. This tradition won't last forever.

    Your kids in the other hand, will keep having tournaments and they get to see and spend time with their dad all year. He doesn't see his family all the time.

    Relax a bit and wish him the best instead letting him go upset and you upset.

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  • i + i
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Some things can be compromised,

    some things can not. Obviously for

    him, this yearly ritual is one of the

    things for which there can be no

    change or deviation. You will just

    have to learn to live your lives in

    whatever way you can around it.

    That is all you can do regarding

    this one particular/specific thing.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    He probably thinks that by allowing your daughter to skip this family trip to attend her tournament he's already compromised. What can anyone say...you married into a somewhat codependent family and none of them are very supportive of anything but their own desires. I bet this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    First, is it possible your kids are picking up on some of your feelings about these things? I'm not assuming anything, but just covering all bases.

    On your daughter's tournament, I can see why she'd be upset, but what matters most is that at least one parent is there. More importantly, does she understand that for dad to go, a bunch of other people would have to change their summer vacation plans? You see it as him picking his family over you and the kids, and that might be true, especially if this is a pattern. If it's not a pattern, though, you don't want her picking up on your feelings about it.

    The same applies to camping. We did a lot of this when I was growing up, and we all loved it (until around age 15 or 16). It's kind of puzzling that 3 kids in this age group all hate it. Do they miss you? Or do they know you hate it and they're trying to side with you?

    When you ask about compromise, this is all about give and take. What would your husband be willing to "give" if you offered to go on these camping trips? Or maybe go every other year? You say your compromise by staying home and working, but to me that's not a compromise. You're simply refusing to go.

    Anyway, obviously the best solution is talk to him about all of this, and be open and honest about your feelings. Just make sure that you're willing to bend, too.

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Keep all the kids home so they can go to the tournament and support their sister. Your husband has already made it clear that he won't change his plans to accommodate her, so the rest of the family shouldn't have to change their plans to accommodate him. That's probably the best you can do for them. It's too late for him to reschedule with his family and he has already made up his mind to go.

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  • 6 months ago

    You don't he's being selfish, you take the kid to the basketball tournament and hubby misses out.

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