john asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 5 months ago

Is it okay to not invite someone’s husband/wife to your wedding? Please help, not sure what to do?

I am 35 and getting married in six months. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. A family friend was married two years ago (our parents are almost kind of best friends with their parents and we siblings are close with their siblings; not best friends but close).

I was invited to his wedding but he didn’t give me a +1. I intend to reciprocate by asking him but not his wife. My parents don’t think that it is right if I don’t ask her because they are married, but I think so what, he could have very well given me the option of a +1 but didn’t, I would have definitely asked her if he had. Just an issue of fairness.

My fiancé doesn’t want to ask her either, there are couple of instances of the exact same issue on her side and she doesn’t want to ask them either. This is our day after all and we almost certainly won’t invite those people but just wanted to hear other’s opinions on the matter?

Update:

Also I don’t really understand why people say that married should get a +1 but not others

21 Answers

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  • 5 months ago

    Two years ago, during this person's wedding without a plus one invite for you, at that time, you and your girlfriend were just dating for around one year.

    Couples who are getting married must, as you know, be budget conscience. If everyone brought a date to the wedding, it could substantially add to the cost of the reception. That is why fiancé/ fiancée and married people are invited as a couple.

    You need to realize that your girlfriend was not EXcluded as a wedding guest two years ago, she was just not included because your relationship with her was relatively young and maybe she was a stranger to the bride and groom, perhaps.

    But, since you are playing Even Steven games, do whatever you want. But, realize this: most couples will not accept an individual invitation to someone's wedding because that is clearly snubbing the other spouse. So, if you wish to play games, then go ahead and realize there may be consequences of him not coming to your wedding at all.

    No, it is NOT OKAY to not invite someone's husband/wife to your wedding when you are inviting their spouse.

    Really kind of tacky, actually.

  • Lita
    Lv 6
    5 months ago

    No, it isn't okay. Couples who are dating may not get a plus one but you always, always give a married couple a plus one. This is not a tit for tat situation.

  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    It's assumed married people are more committed than just a bf or girl friend. It's safe to assume a person invited without a spouse will not attend, but maybe that doesn't concern you.

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    This isn't an issue of fairness, this is an issue of being petty. Are you sure you're ready for marriage if you're that petty & immature?

    A married couple is a social unit and must be invited together. Some also extend that to a couple who is engaged or otherwise long term/living together.

    Usually space and finances dictate whether or not a couple decided to extend a plus 1 to all of their single guests. I extended a +1 to all of my single guests, but I had the space and could afford to.. not everyone can.

    A married person does not actually get a +1, a plus one is when a guest is permitted to bring a guest of their own choosing. With a married couple, their spouse is invited with them. In married life neither of us has received an invitation that was addressed Mrs Kelly Smith and guests/+1 or Dr/Mr Jonathan Smith and guest... indicative that we could bring whomever with us. They've always been Dr/Mr and Mrs Jonathan & Kelly Smith (or some variation that included us both)...

    I would not accept an invitation if my husband was not welcome too and neither would he.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    You and your intended are petulant little rascals, aren't you... If you can't see the difference between a +1 for a girlfriend and a +1 for a wife one wonders why you're even bothering to get married. If being married means nothing, why do it.

  • 5 months ago

    You have to ask a partner if they're married.

  • 5 months ago

    Not OK at all if you invite one partner in a married couple you must invite the other

  • drip
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Sounds like you are doing this out of revenge. He didn’t invite your girlfriend so you are not inviting his wife. Not the way to go.

    You had the option of not attending your friends wedding. You just RSVP no. If asked you could of said I didn’t want to attend without my girlfriend.

  • Athena
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    It is not really reciprocation as much as vengeance on your part.

    I mean, there IS a difference between a husband or wife and a current shack-up.

    • Foofa
      Lv 7
      5 months agoReport

      But not yet married and every wedding etiquette book ever published makes the distinction about plus ones based on marital partners vs. unmarried partners.

  • 5 months ago

    I'm afraid I agree with your parents. They are married, they both get invited.

    Often when a person isn't married, due to number or budget restrictions, a +1 is not issued. Especially if the person isnt in a long term relationship.

    You can of course invite only one person from a married couple, but do not see it as a snub if they send a regretfully cannot attend reply

    • john5 months agoReport

      What about our own budget restrictions? We will almost certainly not invite all three (two from her side; one from mine) and if they choose to decline, no skin off our nose.

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