It is easy for a highly Intelligent Being to forgive anything we children do. That is not the issue. The issue is can you forgive yourself? It is easy to feel guilty even if the guilt is not deserved. You basically put yourself in the doughnut situation of a dieter. You know the doughnut is not good for you but your sweet tooth graves it. Your dilemma is that you wanted to have oral sex with these guys but you believe God wants you to deny your sexual urges, supposedly for your own good, until you take your vows of marriage. You are thinking of yourself, but it is going to be real hard to find a virgin husband in this day and age who I guarantee you has done a lot more sexual acts than you. That is not to say that you should not try to refrain from sex if that makes you happy. I understand Christianity as well as other religions teach to wait until marriage because that is what God wants, but I don't think that is the case. I think it is respectable to have sex in "serious" relationships, no future husband would fault you for that. Casual sex is more problematic because it is just for the sex, which cheapens it, but even that is not necessarily bad. The primary concern that I even see Jesus often address in the NT is potential harm that we can cause ourselves and others from our human nature and learning to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. The guilt comes for doing something you wanted to do even though you believed it to be wrong. The real question is "is it really wrong?" and if it truly is "why?". In biblical days, it made sense to get married before sex because there was no birth control. The commitment was to raise the children together that would surely come from a sexual relationship. It is more likely that society wanted this than God, but I could see God supporting this because it makes good sense. Also people were getting married when their hormones began to surge, so no problem. Today we have birth control and we are waiting much longer before getting married. We have sexual urges for good reason, but have the ability to better control when we want children and how many children we want. If you really believe God wants you to refrain from sex, no matter the reason, you don't have to feel bad about your emotions winning out a couple of times and simply try harder to battle your feelings. A possible bad side effect that I remember seeing many Christians in my day do is to be so sexually frustrated that they just rushed into marriage to have sex only to end up divorced down the road. Sex does not cause loss of respect, the scenario in which sex is used is what can cause loss of respect and loss of self respect.