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Is my husband's brother's girlfriend(French) rude? or is it just the way French are?

I am Japanese and recently got married with French! (I go to French school after work!)

His brother and his girlfriend have been unfriendly to me for more than 2 years.

- She did not thank me for a Christmas gift from me.

- Because I texted his brother "I am sad that they are not willing to talk to me though I fly to France from Japan." 2 years ago, she had been feeling I am very a rude person and did not like they way I texted to him. 

- etc

The last visit to France(for announce of marriage) was a very firs time for me to be able to talk a bit with him in French. And I called his girlfriend and said things like "Let's let everything go and why don't we just be friends or at least to be able to talk? “, but she could not stay calm.

Because of all the these issues, our marriage was pushed, and we stopped planning the wedding ceremony for a while. (His family wants me to clear everything about her, and sincerely invite her to our wedding (which is hard for my feeling honestly))

My husband had talked to them saying be nice, respectful, and simply they cannot behave like that to a foreigner to them. His mom recently talked to his brother's gf and said "her behavior impacted on us in many ways", so she texted me saying "if she is not friendly, sorry. Its all because she was feeling bad to leave their house, and SHE DOES NOT FEEL GOOD TO SPEAK ENGLISH."

How would it be possible for me to be able to feel ok?

4 Answers

  • 9 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    My SIL's are barely in my life and their unfriendliness to me is merely an occasional bruise. How they think/feel about me has hurt me but only because I allowed myself to believe myself vulnerable to them. That needn't happen. My brothers stayed my friends anyway. It's absolutely not necessary for your fiance's brother's girlfriend to be your friend. In fact, she might not ever become a relative even after your wedding. If she needs a private invitation, I suggest that it come from your fiance since HE is the only reason for her to come to your wedding anyway. It's HIS family she's attached to. It is actually proper that he extend the invitation. Though why she can't be included in your bf's brother's invite is a mystery.

    Also, you don't have to obey your future in-laws! That's archaic. You're a traveled woman who has several languages she's mastering. Not the obedient servant to your bf's parents!

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    Japanese standards for etiquette are some of the highest in the world, so you're coming from a place where people tend to be extremely overt about gratitude and politeness. Not all French people are rude but even amongst western cultures the French aren't known for being that approachable. So I'd put this down to the cultural differences and wouldn't assume these people dislike you.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    What some people find "rude" is often just cultural differences.

    I'm an American and I've been all over the world. I've been to France 5 times and I haven't had any issues with people being rude to me. On occasion I had language barriers with some people.

    Your French may not have been as good as you believe it was and based on the words you used could have meant something totally different to her.

    I would actually just let it go and be cordial when you see her. If she wants to be friends at some point great, if not she's not worth worrying about.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    The French think they are the best people in the world, and they HATE speaking English, because England and France had wars for many many hundreds of years, and the French lost, and lost, and lost again.

    They think, really, everyone in the world should speak French. They are famous for being rude to English-speaking people.

    Just be polite, and the rest of the time, ignore her. Don’t waste your mind thinking about her.

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