Falling out of love with my husband and best friend?
Falling out of love with my husband and best friend together 13 years could not ask for a better man but lately we just seem to be like Friends will always love him but feel were on different pages
- FoofaLv 71 year ago
You need marriage counseling, stat. We all "fall out of love" with our partners if we expect marriage to be like dating. Dating is when we put on our best face for someone and that's possible because we're not waking up to them every day. Marriage is real life and it turns out real life just isn't nonstop romance.
- Hope!Lv 71 year ago
First, let me say that all relationships have their ups and downs, and sometimes you are sailing along full steam and then you hit the doldrums.. it can and does happen. But, there are things you can do! Love isn't a feeling, it's an action, it's a choice we make every day..
In the early part of my marriage, we didn't really know how to communicate well - we'd have a problem that just seemed to hard to talk about, and so we would let it slide - and that just led to lots of resentment and sorrow. Now, we have learned to have those really awful conversations with each other realizing that we aren't fighting with each other, but having the conversations like we are on the same team (which we are!).. so, just like a team, you talk about what is working and come up with some strategies etc.. Let's say your husband is doing something that really bothers you, you have to tell him.. not to correct him, but so that the situation can be resolved and you can go on feeling good about the relationship. Almost all problems can be fixed with good communication. Find it too hard to talk about something? Write him a note - this can be very effective! If you go this route, though, be very careful, because it is in print, and you can't take it back - make sure not to be accusatory, but talk about more how you feel. So, just as an example, (just picking something random here) let's say your husband watches porn and you can't stand that.. in your letter, just say that it makes you feel bad about yourself etc. and that you wish he'd stop, so that you could feel good in the relationship again.. always say (and write) everything from a place of love and respect - the last thing you want to do is hurt him, which will only make it worse. In the end, find a way to say what you gotta say.. this is the beginning of fixing things.
Secondly, just start acting like he is the love of your life, again.. studies show that when we are happy, we smile, but it also works the other way - smile and you feel happier - this is honestly true. Same with small acts of love - we love the people we take care of and acting loving towards.... put little notes around the house for him, buy him a present, take him on a picnic - do for him, all the little things you would like for him to do for you - plan a trip, go for walks in the park etc.. It may not be your fault you are in a rut, but you are a team - be the one that pulls you both out of the rut!
Lastly, I just want to say, think about the alternative to having him in your life.. I know some divorced people who thought that life would be great once they were separated, only to find that they now have a whole new set of problems - loneliness, other relatives that are hurt by the separation, that feeling always hanging over your head "did I do the right thing? Could we have made it work? - quitting is never going to be a good answer - hang in there and fix it..
- BlehhhLv 41 year ago
Cliche, but find something to spark it back up! Remember what made you guys fall in love! A good man IS hard to find. Try not to take what you have for granite.
- Anonymous1 year ago
I think it's easy to say what you did, but hard to finish something that has been started.
I think the hardest thing people can do with their lives is make good choices. Because as we get older, then the choices become harder to make.Source(s): I am a male.
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- Trump 2020Lv 71 year ago
"could not ask for a better man".So you think you'll find a better man? (Or, is it a woman you're longing for)
A good man is hard to find, and a hard man is good to find.
- ShayLv 71 year ago
Are you actually "falling out of love" or are you just stuck in a boring and repetitive rut that is daily life.
Before you make a final choice on staying or ending, you need to be sure if you are actually falling out of love or if you are just bored.
"Being on different pages" can mean so many things. People have different likes and interests and you don't have to both agree and do everything together to still be a compatible couple. Have you talked to him about how you feel like you are on different paths to see if you can do anything to feel more aligned again. Communication is extremely important. He may not even realize you are feeling this way. (I know - men don't like to talk emotions and discuss feelings, but in some cases, you need to say - I love you - but we are stuck in a rut and going in different directions - let's fix this)
Just "seeming like friends" is another normal condition that happens in long term relationships. That "fire" that happens during the first few years of a relationship fades over time. There is nothing new to discover about each other. Everything falls into a pattern and becomes normal life. You might leave your current husband and find that "fire" again with a new man - but if you stay with that man long enough - eventually, you WILL fall into this same rut all over again.
I have been married for over 30 years to the same man. At this point in our lives, we are friends and lovers who have shared a rich life of raising a family and going through both good and bad times together. Neither of us would walk away from that shared life. There have been points we might have felt a little distant in our relationship and we would take a little time for ourselves. We would have a "date night" or get a babysitter and take a weekend trip. Something that would give us a little time to feel like that younger versions of ourselves even if it was just for a few hours or a couple of days. We also still hold hands sometimes when we are out walking. We make sure to spend a portion of everyday doing something together. Work and caring for children can sometimes take up so much of your time that you feel you don't have anything left, but we always made sure to have at least a little time together. One of our favorite things to do is sit on our deck and watch the sunset while talking if the weather is nice.
Only you can make a final choice on if you have actually stopped loving him and don't want to invest any further effort into this relationship. The other issue is how much effort he is investing into the relationship to help keep the love alive. If you suggest getting away for a weekend trip or going out on a date night as an effort to bring some life back into your relationship and he doesn't want to go - then he isn't invested in changing anything about condition of your relationship.
- 1 year ago
Marriage isn't always a big romance novel. It takes work. If we didnt gave jobs and kids to worry about we would have more time together. The ehole reason your both tjere and not someplace else right niw right? Work on it together mutually and honestly and it will be ok. Take care.
- LynnmarieLv 71 year ago
Get some marriage counseling before you give up. And try praying.Source(s): The New Testament (recommended reading)
- Anonymous1 year ago
I get it, but I can tell you from experience the 'next' long term relationship will be the same in about the same time frame....the man might not be as compatible with you and you will likely have to go through several more men before you find another long term 'best friend'. Maybe some marriage counseling is in order.....no harm anyway.
- tellitlikeitisLv 71 year ago
Yep lots of marriages end that way.