Going through a marriage crisis, how to deal with it?

I’m a 37 year old woman and have been married to my husband for 13 years. I will never let him know about this post and I haven’t talked to him about this but I think he may already have a feeling. Anyways our sex life is completely uninteresting to me and I am not getting what I want and it’s been like that for... show more I’m a 37 year old woman and have been married to my husband for 13 years. I will never let him know about this post and I haven’t talked to him about this but I think he may already have a feeling. Anyways our sex life is completely uninteresting to me and I am not getting what I want and it’s been like that for quite some time. The truth I have been dying, and I mean dyinnnng to have sexual experiences with another man, specifically a Black American man. And it doesn’t stop there, I go as far as dreaming and thinking about dating one seriously and how attractive they are and how much I love their brown skin and their lips and bodies and features. I know I sound crazy I’ve been married so long but my marriage was sort of arranged back then (me and my hubby are middle eastern and even though I came to the US as a teenager, my parents were still very old school and traditional. But I really have been attracted to black men almost ever since I came here. Now I don’t know what to do because my husband is my best friend and I always wanted to marry my best friend. I’m just not attracted to him like I am to other men and the sex is pretty bad. It gets to a point where I’ve used black condoms on my husband and turn on an NBA game or something while we do it. But I’ve never told him any of this, I’ve been discreet about it. It’s driving me nuts and I don’t know what to do, every day is like a battle going out in public and seeing these fine men almost every day.
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