My grandfather was an alcoholic. I have been traumatized not by that but by my mother using me to get him back. How do I recover?

She used me as a pawn to bargain with him to get help. She vented to me about it and worst of all, she lied to him I learned recently and would say "my two children and I will not play your games anymore" when in reality I did not make that decision. I wanted to see him and be close. She also claims I was... show more She used me as a pawn to bargain with him to get help. She vented to me about it and worst of all, she lied to him I learned recently and would say "my two children and I will not play your games anymore" when in reality I did not make that decision. I wanted to see him and be close. She also claims I was complaining at age 3 and a half about his repulsive behavior when drunk but I can guarantee at the age of 3 and a half I did not know the word "repulsive" and did not notice he was drunk. Same with Christmas when I was 7 when she claimed this though I may have said "why is Grandpa in a bad mood" by that point but had no fear. She quoted me and threw things into embellishment I did not say. I recently discovered her letters to him as he died 13 years ago.

My Mom stole my grandfather from me so she was the one who hurt me, not the alcoholic. I have a sense of shame, loss, and sadness that follows me to this day 13 years after his death. I am in my 40's and still grieving. We got close when he got ill and cut back on drinking so I was close for the last 13 years of his life. But from ages 7 to 15 I was grounded cause of his illness and possibly mistakes.

Alcoholism is a disease but my mother punished him instead of showing empathy and rehab was not as easy in those days.

How do I get over the trauma my mother inflicted on me as a kid by using me to get her father back for having a disease?
Update: Not seeking revenge on my mother for failing me, but seeking healing for my trauma my Mom did to me.
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