do sadistic qualities portrayed in childhood always continue into adulthood?
i remember when i was younger (8-9) i was constantly bullied and had no friends, suffered emotional abuse from parents and stuff. i had anxiety and would relentlessly bite my nails and eat toilet paper in the bathroom. (this all eventually passed once i started playing sports, moved, and make better friends, engaged in hobbies, and traveled) but i had been obsessed with imaging torturous and power abuse scenarios and i would draw them in my closet and have “sessions” (where imagining the scenarios would just give me instant sexual gratification, wouldn’t have to fool around or anything) then i would crumble and toss it in the toilet immediately so no one could see) simply just envisioning pain being inflicted on others would satisfy me sexually and emotionally (it would make me feel better) manipulating people would do this as well. is this where the idea of bullied/victim becomes the bully/victimizer applies? 15 now and i obviously don’t think/act/do any of this stuff anymore and if i did i definitely wouldn’t enjoy it. sites like bestgore make me sick to my stomach in fact the idea that i enjoyed it to that extent disgusts me. but i’m curious as to what changed. i thought people like this (sadists/sociopaths) didn’t change.