why did i portray sadistic qualities during early childhood but not in late teens?
i remember when i was younger and was bullied and had no friends, emotional abuse from parents and stuff. i had anxiety and would relentlessly bite my nails and eat toilet paper in the bathroom. (this all eventually passed once i started playing sports, moved, and make better friends, engaged in hobbies, and traveled) but i had been obsessed with imaging torturous and power stuff. and i would ******* draw scenarios in my closet and have “sessions” (where imagining the scenarios would just give me instant sexual gratification, not having to fool around or anything) i would crumble and toss it in the toilet immediately so no one could see) and essentially just envisioning pain being inflicted on others would satisfy me completely. the idea of bullied/victim becoming the bully/victimizer. 15 now and i obviously don’t think/act/do any of this stuff anymore and if i did i definitely wouldn’t enjoy it. in fact the idea that i enjoyed it to that extent disgusts me. but i’m curious as to what changed. i thought people like this didn’t change.
- Anonymous6 months ago
i honestly have no factual answer but i would say your environment may have played a role. especially the emotional abuse from your parents. if your environment has changed now, that may have been a part of it. but also you may have just been a normal kid, sometimes when we’re that young think about weird things. but i just found this article, it didn’t let me read past this part that you can see. but just do a little research because id be curious too. and by the way the article is titled ‘children are sadists by the age of six’