Am I hopeless? What should I do?

I guess you could say that I’m feeling pretty miserable right now. I’m a **** up and I don’t know how to change that. I’m lonely, but I’m uncomfortable with people. I feel like I’m a dysfunctional model of a human half the time because I’m autistic and was born without a womb and just seem worse at everything than... show more I guess you could say that I’m feeling pretty miserable right now. I’m a **** up and I don’t know how to change that. I’m lonely, but I’m uncomfortable with people. I feel like I’m a dysfunctional model of a human half the time because I’m autistic and was born without a womb and just seem worse at everything than most people. I feel worthless and I don’t know how to get better.
Global warming has been on my mind a lot, too. Who knows what the world is going to be like in a couple decades? Does anything even matter? Is it rational for me to plan on having a family in the late 2020s if the world’s going to the dogs a decade after that anyhow? I probably wouldn’t be a good mother anyhow. God probably spayed me for a reason.
As of late, I’ve been thinking about getting my gun license so I can turn suicide from an impotent daydream to a realistic option. I don’t know, though. I feel like I should wait until my parents are dead before doing that. I don’t want to, though. I feel like I’m about to seriously screw up my life. Granted, I’ve felt that way a while, but still, I doubt it’ll take as long as my parents will take to die.
What should I do?
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