Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 months ago

Why does my husband devalue my dad? He says he is some other person and doesn’t mean **** to him. He also said my friends could die.?

I have been married for almost 13 years and my husband will say I am choosing my dad and friends over him. He will then go on to day my dad doesn’t mean anything, he has never done anything, he is not apart of our family and he doesn’t mean **** to him.

It’s hurtful and makes me want to stay away from my dad, even though I love him and he is always there for me and my family. I have two kids. My kids live and respect their grandpa.

He is a good dad, husband and grandfather. He is a stand up man and respected in the community. My husband is not very social and says hurtful things about my dad, my siblings, their families and my mom. It’s hurtful and makes me feel bad for them. It also makes me feel bad and guilty for wanting to have a relationship with them. Sometimes I feel a tinge if guilt when my mom or dad calls and my husband is the room. I may not answer the phone and call them back when I am Ali e.

He even says my friends could die and they don’t mean anything. I put to much value in my friendships and they mean nothing. All of this is replaying in my mind.

6 Answers

  • 6 months ago

    Why not ask your hubby, to explain why he views your Dad and friends as he does? He may not be wrong in his view. Funny, women love to demand a man see things their way, but then love to tell men that everyone is entitled to their own view. Maybe your Dad and friends are toads, and you cannot see or accept it. That does not make hubby wrong. Maybe is it actually you who has it wrong, and you cannot see or accept it.

  • 6 months ago

    Prepare to extract yourself from this ticking time bomb your with.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Sounds like your husband might be a sociopath.

  • Angie
    Lv 4
    6 months ago

    You are in a very toxic marriage. Isolating a partner from his/her family and friends is often the first sign of an abusive relationship. Your husband is insecure & sees your dad as a threat, as well as anybody else you are close to. He is viewing you as his property. He is controlling and possessive & you must not take those things lightly. Those things can very quickly escalate to violence, if they haven't already. I would DEMAND that the two of you go to marriage counseling. If he refuses, you should definitely go without him so a professional can help you decide what steps to take. In the meantime, do not allow him to isolate you. Keep your friends & family close, because I have no doubt you are going to need their support no matter what happens. Finally, NEVER feel guilty about spending time with your dad. I lost mine in a tragic, sudden accident & I would give anything to have him back & to have him in my children's lives. Never let anybody rob that love from you & your children.

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  • 6 months ago

    It's normal for someone in a controlling, abusive relationship like yours to be suffering from mental exhaustion and trauma from what you've been through mentally and emotionally. I'm so impressed that you have the strength to see the truth about your amazing dad, despite your husband's verbal abuse about him. Please consider calling the domestic violence hotline in your area for help. You are a victim of emotional abuse, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you can love ALL of your family members, including your parents.

  • 6 months ago

    All he is doing is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family.

    He wants complete control over you, and if you allow it? you are a fool because once he has that complete power, he will treat you like dirt!

    I have seen it happen too many times!

    My advice? Take the kids and go live with your dad. Tell your husband you will come home WHEN he learns to treat your family with respect.

    Failing that, I wouldn't suggest you stick around to make it 14 years!

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