Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 6 months ago

I got criticized at work by boss for not being "open" with my coworkers. Should I just tell them straight up that I don't trust people?

I've had to leave an older job due to an awful situation because I was too "open" and people didn't accept certain things about me, even though I thought they were my friends and that I could trust them. After getting me to believe I was their friend, they tried to get me fired (And even worse but I won't talk about that here).

Now my new boss of almost a year has even accused me of being cold and "scary". I just refuse to tell people anything about my life or even my interests anymore and I'm more than happy to keep to myself, but apparently people aren't happy with this, either. Nor are they happy when I do open up.

I'm not sure if my boss sees me as socially inept or if she really is just curious, but part of me just wants to tell her about my past experiences and hopefully she'll just leave it at that, understand where I'm coming from and let me be. But of course, I know this is not "socially acceptable" in a lot of people's eyes. So I just feel really stuck.

I'm a registered massage therapist so it's not like we have a lot of office culture, anyways. Despite not being friendly with co-workers, I very often get repeat clients who always leave great reviews of my work.

16 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Just tell the boss you were trying to be professional and that you'll ease up a little on that. Not sure why your boss would be trying to turn the workplace into a social club, as that's never good for business. But when in Rome...

  • 6 months ago

    Obviously people at work find you cold. Can't you be warm and friendly without spilling your guts? A simple "yes I enjoyed the lovely weather over the weekend, how about you?" is sufficient. You're making your current coworkers atone for the behaviour of your former coworkers.

  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Well, telling them that would just make the situation more tricky as they would wonder where these issues stem from. It can be a delicate balance in a professional setting, to reveal (or not) personal info. I think talking about very basic weekend plans, restaurants, movies and generic small talk would be more than fine without revealing any truly personal info.

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    There isn't any need to say that you don't trust anyone, because then people will wonder what you're trying to hide (even if there's nothing). Just tell your boss that you're sorry she feels the way she does, that you don't mean any disrespect, but you prefer not to mix business with personal matters. Then drop it. You might try to appear more interested in what others are saying. Most people, believe it or not, love to talk about themselves and they love an audience. You can be the audience, and then they will accept you as being involved. You don't have to reveal a lot about yourself.

    Source(s): licensed professional counselor
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  • mom
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    your private life is your own and is not anyone's business. tell them what you want and they should leave it alone if you do not want to tell them anything else

  • 6 months ago

    You don't have to tell anyone anything that you don't want to, but if you work with people you DO have to be pleasant and sociable. It's up to you to find the balance.

  • PAMELA
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You do not have to tell anyone about your private life, you jusat have to say good morning, do your work, say good night and go home, that is all that they can ask of you.Do your job well that is all you can do.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    No. She is telling you that your behavior is off-putting to others and it needs to change. Telling her you don't trust people doesn't solve the problem. She needs the problem SOLVED.

    There is a difference between laying it all out there like you did at your last job and being anti-social. You need to find a place in-between those two extremes.

    I talk all the time with coworkers and clients. I am friendly, I listen and I respond. But they don't get much other than superficial chit-chat. I'm not going to tell them that my spouse cheated on me and I'm going through a divorce. But I have no issue telling them that I love the color blue and enjoy the jalapeno flavored tortilla chips. See the difference?

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    i think as long as you do your job you shouldnt have to tell thern anything

  • 6 months ago

    My co-workers know virtually nothing about me, either, but I'm really good at listening to them and pretending to be interested. People really prefer to talk about themselves, and want someone to listen. Do that, and they won't see you as "cold" anymore.

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