Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 5 months ago

I have a terrible relationship with my mother. How can I fix it if it's not too late?

My mom and I have always had issues, ever since I was a little kid. She is an alcoholic which makes things way worse. It used to be really bad when I was little because she was always drunk. Being the little kid I was, I didn't really understand it so I got upset when she started acting weird and would tell her to stop. As a result, she would lash out and sometimes attack me. I'm 19 year old college student now who stays home during summer. She is getting better about her drinking and no longer lashes out at people or gets super angry. But the situation still causes us to fight with each other.

I get super embarrassed to have my boyfriend over because of how strange she acts. She gets angry at me for staying over at his house instead of having him come over to our house. I'd much rather be alone with him or with his family than bring him over.

My mom and I are also constantly around each other. She hasn't had a job since before I was born and doesn't have any friends. I live in a small house and we are constantly with each other. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and go to my room but she gets upset that i'm not spending enough time with her. Yet, every time I'm around her we start fighting! The problem is, I still love my mom no matter how much I want to hate her. We recently had a huge fight about her being clingy and how I don't want to be around her. Now doesn't accept apologies from me anymore. Is their anything I can do to fix this mess?

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago
    Best Answer

    I am telling you this because I don't want you to live with the same regret I do. My mom was an alcoholic. She knew it, she admitted to it all the time. She didn't necessarily get drunk everyday, but often enough that it really took a toll on her body and health. My mom became disabled in 2005 of an unrelated issue and was unable to work. My mom had friends, but her closest one was just too different and never would spend time with her anymore because they didn't have the same interests. Therefore, my mom was home pretty much all the time. We often had arguments about her drinking. She also always wanted me around. My mom passed away back in October. It breaks my heart to look back to all the times she wanted me to spend time with her and watching Netflix alone in my room somehow seemed like a better way to spend my time. Life's short. We really shouldn't take people for granted, but especially not our parents. I know your mom upsets you, but like you said, you love her. Spend time with her, even if it means arguing sometimes. Nobody's perfect. It's not too late for you, but it is too late for me. One thing my mom always said to me was to love people for who they are, despite what they may do. If you don't mind my asking, where's your dad in all this? Mine passed away when I was a kid and that's definitely a big part of why my mother drank, she hoped it would help her depression.

    • Joanna5 months agoReport

      You're answer really got me thinking though. I'm going to finish college in a few years and will have my own place soon, I should really try to spend more time with my mother.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    just talk to her about it and try to stay sornewhere else over the surnrners

  • tony
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    We often forget that people with significant personality disorders become parents. When they do, they actually become “toxic” parents who are abusive, controlling, hostile, and damaging to their children. From your description, your mother is more Borderline Personality than narcissistic. All personality disorders have core personalities of selfishness, insensitivity to others, narcissism, a refusal to accept personal responsibility for their behavior, and a sense of entitlement that allows them to abuse others when their selfish demands are not immediately met.

    Your behavior has nothing to do with her behavior. She’s Borderline whether you are involved in her life or not.

    Loving your mother will not protect you from who she is and how she behaves. We can give all our love to our pet tiger and it will still bite our leg off the first chance it gets.

  • 5 months ago

    Please google Search for the Al A Teen (Alcoholics Anonymous for Teens) website.

    You need this.

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