How should I go about asserting autonomy to my dad?
So I'm a grown adult, 23. so ultimately I know I can make my own decisions and be responsible for my own actions and stuff. But my dad doesn't
He still sees me as a kid and has a habit of projecting his own faults and insecurities onto me. He wants me to feel guilty for things that aren't my problem (like How he feels bad for things that he did in the past) so that i can make my life decisions to meet his needs. The thing is I'm willing to meet him half way but he's not willing to meet me half way cause I'm a woman and in his mind inferior to him.
So he wants me to give him money, and I'm willing to, but he wants it under his terms and conditions (drop out of college and be his housewife, answer to him at all times, share all of his beliefs and never have any of my own)
So I told him im willing to give, but he doesn't want me to give as a separate human being. Cause I believe there's a middle ground,but he doesn't cause in his mind women are below men, and therefore property of ownership. so he's never tried to meet me in the middle with anything EVER. If it was a guy I was dating I would cut him out my life, but it's my dad unfortunately. So I can't
I live in America btw. I know, weird flex, right?
- CarolineLv 77 months agoFavorite Answer
I'm curious to know how your dad expects you to give him money AND drop out of college and be a housewife. Housewives don't have an income.
And you're an idiot if you do this, autonomous or not.
- Anonymous7 months ago
As long as youre living as a kid, anyone will treat you as a kid. Adults have their own place, their own bills and pay their own way. In other words, MOVE OUT!
- Anonymous7 months ago
If you want autonomy you'll do what I did. I moved out of my parents' house when I turned 18. I put myself through college and an advanced degree. I worked before and after school and on weekends, full-time summers and school holidays.
Want to be treated like an adult? Act like one.
- FoofaLv 77 months ago
Minus an advanced university degree in a STEM field it's pretty unlikely you could ever live in the US anyway (unless you're already a citizen or have a citizen family member capable of sponsoring you). So I wouldn't occupy my mind too much with that. But you could explain to Dad that a Bachelor's is the very minimum one needs to earn a living these days. Explain to him that if he's going to ask you for money he at least has to let you earn the degree that will enable you to earn money.
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- PearlLv 77 months ago
rnaybe you should rnove out if hes so controlling
- nanuLv 67 months ago
- JerryLv 67 months ago
If you don't assert to him that you are your own person, you'll be catering to him, whether it's on his terms or yours, forever. It's your life to live, and it's his life to live. YOU can only control YOU; what your father has done in his past are his deeds to answer for, NOT yours.
- David B.Lv 77 months ago
If you really want autonomy you need to find your own place to live and move out of his home. And don't say you can't because that will only mean that you won't!
- davidmi711Lv 77 months ago
"How should I go about asserting autonomy to my dad?" Easy, become autonomous, move out and get your own place.