This is, unfortunately, your own, personal problem, and only you can solve it. There is no medicine, no pills, that you can take to cure your ailment. You need help, and that help should be given by a therapist who is skilled in helping people who suffer from your kind of problem. It may be difficult for you, at first, to ask a therapist for help, but you do need help. You know what your problem is, and that can be seen as a good start. If you didn't know what was wrong, that could create a difficulty for anyone who tried to give you some assistance. Speak to a suitably-qualified therapist as soon as you can. I wish you well.