Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 months ago

I want to have children but my husband wants to wait?

I’m 21 he’s 24 and It’s really putting a strain on our marriage, my husband is in the marines and he says he wants to finish his 4 years before we start having kids, he also says he wants to spend quality time alone with me, without children for a few more years & that I need to finish college first.

His points are valid but so are mine and I want children asap. It is starting to really hurt my feelings that he won’t get me pregnant and makes me think he doesn’t love me and something is wrong with me. ):

I have started to think of vindictive ways I can sneakily get pregnant anyways but I don’t want to have to go behind my husbands back, I don’t want to think like this.

25 Answers

  • GB
    Lv 5
    6 months ago

    He sounds very sensible.

  • 6 months ago

    I understand where you’re coming from. It’s called baby fever. Just know, he hasn’t said no to having children, he just wants to wait until your marriage matures and you are both in a position to be parents. He seems to want to have children he is just also thinking about what would be best for them, and that would be two parents who could properly support them and be there for them. I wouldn’t suggest going behind his back to get pregnant. That could ruin a relationship and be very bad for any children that would come of it. Patience is necessary. Wait until you’re out of school and are both ready for it. Being in agreement to have children with your spouse is a wonderful thing.

  • 6 months ago

    That's right, lose his trust by getting pregnant on the sly... it's a great way to get him to resent you totally

    He's not EMOTIONALLY prepared to become a parent right now, plus he may not feel financially prepared. If the tables were turned would you want him to have a fit because you weren't ready?

    A married couple needs to be on the same page about such life-changing events as having kids. Not sure why you two don't agree to talk about it again in a year or two.

  • 6 months ago

    He is a wise man

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  • 6 months ago

    Your husband sounds like a very intelligent man who has his priorities in line. He wants to finish up his military commitment while you attend college so you two can have a lovely future and enjoy one another while you both meet your goals before having children.

    You are obviously selfish and incredibly immature not to truly understand how his reasonable plan will benefit you, him and your marriage in the future.

    Through no fault of your own, you are just not mature enough to understand what is right for you, your husband, your marriage and your future. You see, as a young adult, your brain is not even fully developed until you reach the age of 25. For crying out loud, you may not even be finished teething if you do not have all of your adult molars by now!!

    You go ahead and defy him and trick him into impregnating you and if you think you are sad and needy right now, guess will be in a pile of tears when he looks at you in disgust as you betrayed his wishes to better himself in hopes you would go to school to better yourself.

    I think you just do not want to go to school or go to work. So, if you have a baby, you get your way and stay home. Otherwise, I just cannot figure out why you are being so freaking unreasonable.

    You are really too young to realize the stress in raising a baby at such a young age. You have no idea and are living in a fantasy land.

  • 6 months ago

    You're only 21; you have plenty of time to have children. Spend the next few years getting your college degree so you can help support the children that you have with your husband. His long-range plan is better than yours.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    What you said is unbelievable!

    You don't have a college education, and you want to get pregnant right away.

    Well before I marry anyone I would want to know that my partner has a good education. I don't know why he married you knowing that you never completed your education.

    You thinking about going behind his back is very bad to think about. If I married anyone then before I propose, then I am going to make sure she isn't an unfaithful b**ch like you.

    Maybe you can be sneaky with him, but if you were my wife, and I didn't want you to get pregnant then I will take a birth control pill, and then shove it down your throat, or I am going to want to watch you swallow it on your own. Another option would be to get your tubes tied to prevent you from getting pregnant.

    Maybe you thought of cutting the end of a condom. I can imagine some females thinking this way.

    Source(s): I am a male.
  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    What is your question? You didn't actually ask one.

    If you can't wait until you're 25 to have kids, then you get divorced and go find someone else. This is what happens when people get married too young and before they know each other well enough or before they know their own selves well enough.

    • Savannah6 months agoReport

      We have been married three years and have known each other since 2nd grade. I’m pretty sure we know each other well enough.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    He's right.

    It is the father's job to raise his children... you are there to help.

    For that he needs to be present.

    Stop being so selfish and enjoy him. Once the kids arrive it will be all about chores and errands.

    Obey your husband. Give him as much sex as he wants whenever he wants it (and vice versa) ... this is to stop lust from happening outside of your marriage.

    You THINK children will make you happy... they won't.

    Seriously.... call 1-800- A FAMILY to speak to free councelors about your issues. They've heard it all and can help.

    And DON'T YOU DARE get pregnant without him wanting the child.

    The WORST THING that can happen to any child is to be born unwanted.

  • 6 months ago

    Tbh I think your husband has a point,what's the big rush?it doesn't sound like either of you are in a good situation to be having kids yet,just enjoy your time together first,there's plenty of time for kids later.

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