Should I come out as gay?
I’m currently in high school and haven’t really come to terms that I’m gay yet. Girls just arnt attractive to me and I’d do anything to change that. I can’t sadly, I’m the most straight acting kid you’d find. My friends all use “gay” in a bad way like “oh that’s gay” or calling each other f*gs. I’m surrounded by these people as my best friends. I’ve gone the full mile making up stories of stuff I’ve done with girls. I even have girls that I’ve been friends with for forever trying to date me and all my friends pushing this girl onto me. I have to basically ignore her bc I’m just not attracted. My parents don’t suspect it at all either. It’s honestly making me sad that I literally have to hide this from the world but if I come out I’m scared it will be awkward hanging out with my friends. Or even worse loosing all my friends. Would be awkward with my dad. I don’t know if it’s better for me to come out or try to ride it out until college. Any advice is appreciated.
- TjLv 76 months ago
Try to ride it out, and be sure you are gay before coming out.
- AlexanderLv 76 months ago
Your idea of "friends" and "best friends" needs work. You can do so much better. These birds are toxic to you. ""Losing" them would be a blessing. Start now to build a circle of true friends whose experiences and attitudes are more in line with yours. Then think about coming out.
- AlanLv 76 months ago
No, coming out while still at high school would be a huge mistake that you would inevitably regret forever. Keep your sexuality a secret until you reach adulthood at the earliest. Nobody is going to suffer because you kept your sexuality a secret, but it may cause a great deal of anxiety and fear among some of your family and friends. People react differently to such revelations and there is no certainty about how your parents will react to the news. It may well be that your parents already suspect your sexuality. Parents know their children better than anyone. They may think it's just a phase you are going through, many parents think that way and believe their child will grow out of it, which rarely happens in the case of male homosexuality. Keep a low profile until you are comfortable telling a select few that you implicitly trust. That's my advice to you.
- YolLv 66 months ago
My name is Luddy, I'm from Brazil, and sorry if there's any English error.
First of all: no one needs to know about your sexuality, I believe that you know this, and I really understand that feeling you have - "I'd like them to know who I really am". It's normal, but not always viable. Be careful.
I know that coming out is scare, but true friends will persist. They will be there for you. And you will sofer because you will be judged. People that you don't even know will judge you. Your parents will probably judge you. You need to be really strong for being gay, mostly, a gay out of the closet - and I don't mean that everyone needs to know about your sexuality just because you're out, but, if you get out and really free, you will probably feel free to say "oh, that guy is hot" even to your straight friends (I do it, I have this freedom, and its priceless). Actually, I'm very discreet (I prefer the term "heteronormative"), so I'm not judged all the time, because no one knows that I'm gay unless if I say it, but the same fear that you have, I already had. I understand you. You are not alone, and never will be if it depends on me.
And your friends probably don't know what it means to use the word "gay" in a bad way. Show them, carefully, what that means. I know that it's hard, mostly in high school, but the reality is the reality, you can't change that. They probably would not use these words if they know you are gay, because they probably like and care about you. Men friendships are mostly dumb, but honest, sincere, and truly beautiful. Maybe, you should talk to the one you trust most or the one that is more open-minded.
If you need to talk to someone, you can send me an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Hope you will be fine.
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- 6 months ago
Just because girls aren't attracted to you doesn't mean you're gay. And just because you're not attracted to few girls doesn't mean you're gay either. You have to remember, you're in high school still and your emotions, feelings, and hormones are changing. Just give it some time to see what happens. You'll know what's meant to be eventually.
- tentofieldLv 76 months ago
Coming out is not compulsory and it is never required. It is something you can do when two criteria are met
1. You are sure of your sexuality and confident with it.
2. Other people have a need to know your sexuality.
The first is the most important.
Coming out is an irrevocable step. You do not meet either criterion at the moment so don't come out. being certain and being confident is very important. The reason for this is if you are not sure and you identify as gay, you will be regarded as being gay forever even if you later discover you were straight all the time.
Don't worry about what your friends think, they most probably have gone no further with girls than you have done. All boys brag about their supposed accomplishments. Different people sort themselves out at different times, don't be in a rush. Just be you, you don't need a label so don't give yourself one.