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Adult daughter living back w us at home but concerned about her new man friend?

Our daughter is 28 and out of work. We have a car we let her use for job search but we just discovered she's been chatting w a 41 year old man who lives in his ex wife's basement( rent free) just a couple miles away and uses meth! She's very defensive of him saying he is very nice and intelligent and there only roumers about the meth. Even if he's drug free (this info is pretty reliable, though) are we out of line banning use of the car completly for now since shes an adult and NEEDS a job?

7 Answers

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  • 10 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Not sure what her chatting with a guy has to do with the job search.

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  • Jas B
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    It is your car so of course you can do that.

    However this is likely to push her to be even more supportive and defensive of this man, maybe even moving out and moving in with him.

    If this was my daughter I think I would try to get her to bring him round so we could meet him. Tell her that while you respect her judgement you are concerned and if she brings him to your house it will put your minds at rest.

    Then you get a chance to see for yourself what sort of man he is. I don't know about you but several times in my life I have found that other peoples opinions on someone have not been true.

    Then you can make up your own mind and see if he is a meth user, or the nice intelligent man your daughter believes him to be.

    I find it hard to believe his ex wife, especially if they have children, would allow him to stay in her home if he uses meths or is a nasty person.

    If you do find him to be what you dread then at least you would be able to give your daughter examples of his behaviour which indicate this rather than using rumours from someone else about someone you have never met.

    Plus if it does go badly wrong, your daughter will still be around for you to help and support her.

    Finally as your daughter is 28 I do not think a 13 year age gap is a problem.

    Whatever you do I wish you well.

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  • 10 months ago

    If you own the car, you are not out of line barring her form using it WITHOUT more reason than you own the car.

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  • 💜
    Lv 6
    10 months ago

    No you’re not out of line for that. If she had to move back home and has no job or car, she should be focusing on herself and life instead of getting involved with anyone.

    These days most job searching and applying can be done from home. She would only need transportation if she got an interview and that can be the exception for her to use car.

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  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I would sit her down and tell her she is 28 and needs to take being an ADULT seriously. Say that you love her but it is not a right but a privilage that she is living with you and that you will refuse to support her if she does not get priorities straight. I would not only take away the use of the car but the roof over her head if she is more concerned about hooking up with some old loser meth-head that lives in his exwifes basment then getting a job and supporting herself. I knows she is your daughter but sometimes the best thing you can give them is tough love.

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  • marty
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    She is an adult and must be able to make her own decisions, right or wrong. As parents once our children are grown all we can do is be there for them if needed, and help when we can. If you did a good job raising her then you should trust what she says to you before rumors. Let her continue to use the vehicle.

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  • R R
    Lv 4
    10 months ago

    Smells like Loser to me....

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