My dad committed suicide 10 years ago.. Father’s Day is still difficult?

10 years ago when I was 15 years old, my father committed suicide. He and my step mom had gotten a divorce, he was fired from his job and had no money, and he was in an extremely dark place in his life. When he ended his life, it was just me living in the apartment with him. I have an older brother who lived by... show more 10 years ago when I was 15 years old, my father committed suicide. He and my step mom had gotten a divorce, he was fired from his job and had no money, and he was in an extremely dark place in his life. When he ended his life, it was just me living in the apartment with him. I have an older brother who lived by himself at the time. My dad and I would often have long talks, where I would assure him that I loved him and that I was always going to be there for him, and that everything would be okay.

I honestly was too young to fully comprehend the magnitude of his depression and didn’t realize his suicidal behaviors and words until it was too late. He would mask his pain most of the time by ignoring it, but he was a very heavy drinker and smoker.

I was a major daddy’s girl. I saw him through innocent eyes that didn’t want to believe he was having very real battles with depression.

It has been 10 years since. I am now living in a new state, I have a wonderful fiancé and I am starting RN school in the fall. I am a very happy, positive person most of the time. But sometimes I honestly just break down. Father’s Day is very difficult for me, especially since my dad committed suicide in the month of July, just a few weeks after Father’s Day. I love my life, but I get feelings of genuine sadness and depression quite often, especially lately. Wishing I could go back in time and just pull the gun away from him. I just need advice on how to cope during this difficult time of year.
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