My fiance is upset i dont want to ask his sister to be a bridesmaid. Should I feel obligated to ask?
I am asking my sister to be my maid of honor but because I don t have closer friends I m not planning on having bridesmaids. My fiance got upset by this because he feels his sister should have a place in the wedding especially if my sister is. I am not friends with his sister and we don t have a relationship. She will be getting married in a couple of months and I was not asked to be in her wedding. He said its different because we were not married or engaged at the time they got engaged and I am not in her or her fiances family. I feel like this is extremely unfair. I don t feel like I should be made to feel bad about this. So I guess what I am asking is should I feel obligated to ask her?
- ☆ ♥♥*´`*•.¸★Lv 76 months ago
there are arguments for and against the groom having a say in the bridesmaids. My questions is how much influence you are allowed to have over the groomsmen choices; do you have a brother that will be on his side?
- GBLv 56 months ago
I wonder if she wants to be a bridesmaid, and he is speaking on her behalf?
- Beverly SLv 76 months ago
I would probably feel obligated, but I've always loved my sister in laws.. This is between you & your fiance. Have you tried having a relationship with her? It's never good to have bad relations with in laws.
- GEEGEELv 76 months ago
I probably would, but clearly most of the people answering don't agree with that feeling. I'd be inclined to want to keep my future husband happy, which in this case would mean including his sister in the ceremony. Perhaps you could include her in some other way (lighting a candle, doing a reading) that would satisfy your fiancé.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- KellyLv 76 months ago
You're not obligated to, but as you can see not adding her is creating more problems than it is solving. This is his wedding too and if he wants his sister as a part of it she should be, even if she is standing on his side.
My husband and I picked our bridal party together. Some of the bridesmaids were his picks and some of the groomsmen and an usher were mine. He's very close to both his sister and sister-in-law and he wanted them both in the wedding and since it was his wedding too, they were. He also has a niece he's very close to and she was a jr bridesmaid. 2 of his groomsmen were my brothers and one of the ushers was my cousin. I didn't know his sister or sister-in-law that well at the time, but I have a really good relationship with both of them now. I get along really well with my in-laws and I really never thought of not having his sister.
I've been sister of the groom twice. I'm close to both of my brothers. I was in one of their weddings but not the other. The one I wasn't in, he regretted not having me the day of the wedding when well I was the only sibling not in in the wedding between them, but mostly when his friends and some family members asked him why I wasn't.
"I'm not having her because she didn't have me" is quite petty. It's the "adult" equivalent to "you're not playing the game the way I wanted you to, so I'm taking my ball and going home".
In married life you need to work on compromising and well in some cases learn to pick your battles. This really isn't a battle worth having.
- dripLv 76 months ago
The last two weddings I went to the bride and groom had both male and females on their sides.
The groom had his sister next to him. and the bride had her brother and male best friend stand on her side. The gals wore dresses and the guys wore suits.
Sides don’t have to even, 4 bridesmaid means you must have four groomsmen is passé.
If the groom wants his sister in the wedding party he should ask her.
- hoorayLv 56 months ago
I agree with you. A bridesmaid should be someone with whom you, the bride, have a close friendship. If your fiancé has a close bond with his sister then he should find a way to honour her himself. It's not a good sign if he's pressuring you over something like this.
Looking for more context from your previous questions (one of which I answered), I see so many clear warnings that you really shouldn't be in a relationship with each other. Seriously, before you make a huge mistake, take some time away from your fiancé and think about life with and without him. Talk this over with people who aren't invested in your relationship. You mentioned not having any close friends, and I think that's a big part of the problem. Your support structure is very weak, there doesn't seem to be anybody you feel you can depend upon or trust. You should pursue activities that bring you into contact with potential friends. Right now you're clinging to the familiar but toxic.
- boardingaceLv 46 months ago
No; as you pointed out, she didn't ask you, so that makes it really easy. You're certainly not obligated. I'm torn about this, though, because it's an easy thing to do for your husband if it would mean a lot to him... on the other hand, it's so odd because she didn't even ask you to be in hers! So if anything that's more awkward to invite her than not to.
- LitaLv 66 months ago
You shouldn't feel obligated to ask her. If he wants her in the wedding party, she could be an attendant on his side.
- FrankLv 56 months ago
Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman to start a family and raise children. Your idiot fiancé has his priorities completely out of whack. A marriage is not a wedding. It’s not a ring. It’s not a dress. It’s not a reception. It’s not who your bridesmaids are. It’s not who his groomsmen are. It’s none of that.
If you really want my opinion, I think you should seriously consider not getting married at all. If you don’t want children, then I double the statement.